Saving Pack through D, Pack_19 part V

[Pack_19]

Hi Steve,

Thanks for coming to post. I try to be able to be there next to her but chatting to her, or being friendly just does not come natural. I am not sure if I will ever be able to do it...

Last weekend, S9 had his first communion celebration, I had to stand there next to ExW for the entire ceremony but I made it be all about S9. I was smiling at him, present and elegant as a man can be. But ExW would make funny comments about some gestures or situations and I just nodded along, I cannot do more right now.

In general I think I handled it well, but after the ceremony S9 and S4 went to have lunch with ExW and her family. I had lunch with my parents, sister and brother in law. They stood there telling me that it had been long enough and that I could not feel uncomfortable in that situation but instead treat her as if I had next to me a completely unknown person. I told them I was working on it and that it was still not easy form me because I feel these family events are strange to me. My dad told me I have still the image of an ideal family in my head, and I need to destroy it to move on.

My sister pointed out that ExW has had her lips injected with something (surgery or whatever) and asked me laughing if I had not noticed. I told her something was off but I do not pay attention to that. ExW was always talking about how she wanted to have her nose done and I would always tell her she was prefect as she was. First the tattoos, now this, she is making it easy for me to realize this is an entirely different person. Maybe thinking that the W I married to is dead, helps me move forward.

On the financial side, I know deep inside I have to let it go and treat it as something trivial. It has been so unfair Steve, I have been working for my family flawlessly since I was 22, and now this happens... Never did she thank me or express pride about that.

I will not be that man Steve.

2 more goals for Pack - Improve on your emotional strength, let go of my ideals. Frame the financial situation from the perspective of a happy, new man, who is learning to move on.

Thanks a lot Steve, back to becoming the best man I can be and my PIES.