Again, not that I was a pushover wimp, but at it's core I was a 'nice guy'. Most things have usually been on her terms. We wouldn't have sex, and she'd say it was because of x. I'd do more of x, sex wouldn't improve, and she'd say it's now because of y. I'd do y, etc, etc, etc. .
Yup...been there done that.
With my lady, the dynamics are a 180 from the way I was with my X. Learning skills to turn my lady on, controlling my behavior to be more attractive and seductive makes the interactions so much better.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Again, not that I was a pushover wimp, but at it's core I was a 'nice guy'. Most things have usually been on her terms. We wouldn't have sex, and she'd say it was because of x. I'd do more of x, sex wouldn't improve, and she'd say it's now because of y. I'd do y, etc, etc, etc. .
Yup...been there done that.
With my lady, the dynamics are a 180 from the way I was with my X. Learning skills to turn my lady on, controlling my behavior to be more attractive and seductive makes the interactions so much better.
I used to be pretty good at being 'that guy'. And I still seem to be to most people, except my W. lol. I used to practice all of the 'experts' advice (being alpha, no more nice guy, cocky-funny, etc). Any reading you'd recommend?
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
I used to be pretty good at being 'that guy'. And I still seem to be to most people, except my W. lol. I used to practice all of the 'experts' advice (being alpha, no more nice guy, cocky-funny, etc). Any reading you'd recommend?
I used to be pretty good at being 'that guy'. And I still seem to be to most people, except my W. lol. I used to practice all of the 'experts' advice (being alpha, no more nice guy, cocky-funny, etc). Any reading you'd recommend?
Thanks. Yep, I have 'The Game' by Neil Straus. When W and I first started dating, we were on and off again for a few years. I finally said 'the hell with it' when we were broken up, and really got into that stufrf (Mystery, David Deangelo, etc). I was amazed how well it worked, and eventually W and I got back together.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
So, spent all day yesterday outside smoking ribs. In the evening 5 of our mutual friends came over, as well as my parents. Again, nobody can believe there are any issues with us. We 'seem' perfectly happy (talking, goofing around, being nice, etc). Yet I know she's still moving forward with D planning. I just don't get it.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
We 'seem' perfectly happy (talking, goofing around, being nice, etc). Yet I know she's still moving forward with D planning. I just don't get it.
You have been friend zoned.
Originally Posted by Terapin
I think so, but most of that stuff is designed to attract women, starting from a clean slate.
It has been awhile, but I took it as getting out of your comfort norm and making that your new normal state of being.
Friend zoned? IDK, maybe. It's funny though cause during BD, she actually said something along the lines of 'we have nothing in common. If we weren't married would we even be friends or talk to each other?' I do however think I"m being too friendly/available to her.
You're right. Most of that stuff boiled down to just being confident.
I got W a card, small cake, and a flower for Mother's Day. She said 'thanks'. I took our son to my parents for a few hours yesterday, and W went to hers. She texted and told me son and I could come over there if we want (we didn't). On her way home she texted saying she's ordering chinese take out, and asked if i wanted anything (I didn't). I'm sure at some point this week she'll want to have another 'talk'.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
It's funny though cause during BD, she actually said something along the lines of 'we have nothing in common. If we weren't married would we even be friends or talk to each other?'
That is the point of relationships...enjoying the differences. My lady does not fish, but she enjoys watching me fish.....I enjoy watching her sing Karaoke...but would not go if she wasn't into it.
Originally Posted by Terapin
I do however think I"m being too friendly/available to her.
Most of us are. There are ways to be friendly that are not needy. There are so many ways to increase our behavior to be more attractive. Pulling away is one of them. There is an art to it. I enjoy the seduction side of relationships. From my ladies responses, I believe she does as well.
Originally Posted by Terapin
I'm sure at some point this week she'll want to have another 'talk'.
So I really like this statement:
Originally Posted by JordanPeterson
What do you do when you get married? You take someone who’s just as useless and horrible as you are, and then you shackle yourself to them. And then you say, we’re not running away no matter what happens…If you can run away, you can’t tell each other the truth…If you don’t have someone around that can’t run away, then you can’t tell them the truth. If you can leave, then you don’t have to tell each other the truth. It’s as simple as that, because you can just leave. And then you don’t have anyone to tell the truth to.
So if you do have another talk, use that statement as a guidline for YOUR LISTENING SKILLS. Do not preach it. Do not use it to keep her tied to you. Be the safe person she can talk to, even if you completely disagree. Listen to understand her. Her story. She is a fascinating person. This is a rare skill.
As you do this, take note of all your feelings you have. Process them later. Example:What made you feel angry? Most likely a growth opportunity.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
