Sounds like your meeting with L was successful. Knowledge is power. I suspect you now feel less anxious regarding possible future events.
This is all business. And when dealing with the business side, stick to business. Keep your emotions out of these major decisions and remain rational and logical. Your lawyer and her advice will be invaluable in this regard, as she is not embroiled in the situation and will have a good business perspective.
Originally Posted by Terapin
My biggest concern is my son, and she said 50/50 is almost guaranteed. My other big concern was our debt. Our normal debt (credit cards, etc) would be split, but her $170,000 student loan would go with her. I wouldn't/shouldn't be responsible for any of it. She said since W makes more money, has a higher earning potential, and has more in her 401k than I do, the only one that could receive alimony or child support would be me if I wanted to pursue it (I don't), and I'd be entitled to the difference in our 401k's (about $6000). She also laughed when I told her about W tellign her lawyer about speeding the process along due to a 'lack of physical intimacy'. She said even if she files, the process will go as fast or as slow as I want.
Your biggest concern is custody. Something to consider, if it comes to it, negotiate not taking the $6000, even forgoing other things (alimony, child support) for a guaranteed 50/50, none of her student loans, and obviously not a contentious and expensive divorce.
Let W do the heavy lifting here. If/when she asks if you’ve read her paperwork, you can answer yes. If she wants to know where you stand, you can tell her you don’t want a divorce, and yet you won’t stand in her way. If she keeps pushing, tell her to provide a written proposal and you will look it over. Do not show your cards. You let her make the moves and initiate things. You just respond - after speaking with lawyer and such.
Such is the business side of this journey.
D
Thanks D. Yes, I feel a lot better today than I did yesterday. It's going to cost money, it's going to suck, but at least I shouldn't be financially devastated over this.
L said it would be crazy if I didn't get 50/50.
That's good advice on when she asks about my stance, telling her to give me a proposal. Again though, I don't want to come across as a jerk, so if she keeps pressing eventually I'm going to have to talk about some of those things.
These next few days will suck though. Tonight son has a school function that both of us will attend, and tomorrow he has a game which we'll go to. I mean, I'm sure it'll be fine, but tough to GAL, DB, etc when we have to be together for these things.
I hate to say this, and maybe it's just a passing phase, but I'm feeling a little more 'detached' than I've been since this started. It would still be my goal to work on the M. But either way I'll be fine. We've been together almost 20 years. I by no means have been husband of the year. But in reality, despite a lot of very good qualities she has, she's kinda treated me like [censored] since we've met.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
