I so recall all of the emotions and fears that you and MA talk about. Now being four and a half years post BD, I can tell you that I know for certain that things will get better if you GAL for yourself...regardless of what your H does. It is so, so important... I cannot stress it enough. Force yourself to get out there. Do not turn down any invitations from anyone. Fake it until you make it. Slowly, over time, you won't have to fake it anymore. I remember people telling me this and being so afraid that if I didn't have to fake it, that would mean I no longer loved my H and the life we had together will be rendered pointless or a figment of my wishful thinking. Now I know that is impossible. No one can take that away from you. You just have to look at your kids and know that is true. What was, was. What is, is. For your own sake, you need to focus on accepting that last statement and worry less about what he is doing or thinking and more about what you are doing and thinking. The rope you are hanging on to is wobbly for a reason. It's wobbly because you are the only person who is hanging onto it right now. He has dropped it and likely did so long before you noticed the wobble.
Re: inviting your H on the ski trip. Do NOT do it!! You are way past taking a mini break together and fixing things. Right now the ball is fully in your H's court. He is still enjoying most of the perks that comes with having a partner. That is not helping you. He needs to miss you. He needs to recognize what he would be losing. He can't do that when you are around him all of the time. Take your ski vacation with your kids and let him wonder what he is missing. And do not contact him when you are away. Let him think you are having too much of a good time to bother getting in touch. I know this is not what you want to do. Been there AND ignored the advice I am giving you now. Now that I am this far past BD, I cringe when I think of the times I did what I intuitively wanted to do and it did nothing but push him the other direction. Trust me. You do NOT want to be in that position.
All of it is easier said than done, I know. Trust me... it does get better. (((HUGS)))
