I’m still so lost

[Pattnee5]

Oh MA Thankyou for sharing your experience and phew I am not alone in having days or moments of sadness/weakness. I had a good session with my councellor this week and that was very good. Always makes me feel great. She did clarify it really hasn’t been that long and not to push for certainly as yet, rather just walk beside H. She made me realise I was quite flat on myself as I said I wasn’t really doing much just going with the flow it wasn’t until she highlighted how much work I had done on myself and things like sessions, reading online, DR book, forums. I am being way too harsh on myself but then I sat back and realised that wow I was doing a lot. And while H may not be doing as much he must be doing something to have these small changes appear.
It certainly is hard MA having H around for so much contact. It’s best explained as life as normal except no intimacy ( he still initiates hugs and kisses) and he sleeps elsewhere. I wasn’t ok with that in the early days but now I am. I have been very clear with one boundary though that for know while he “ works on his demons” as says this situation is ok however if the decision comes about that we end this M for good and he isn’t prepared to work on it, then this coming and going will stop we will go our seperate lives and ways and he will have seperate times with the children. I have made that extremely clear( moreso for me because I will need to fall out of love with his man )
Right now though this is an extremely wobbly rope I am on

I am planning to take the kids away skiing for a few days mid year. I am unsure if I should invite him