Hi Pattnee As you know, I'm fairly new to this too. My own experience is exactly like yours. There are days / hours / minutes that I feel strong & am able to let go of the rope and there are times I'm hanging on to it like a lifeline. My head tells me to let go but I've noticed that the specific emotion of fear keeps bubbling away and pulling me into that tug .
One of the big things that helps me is taking a step back and thinking of time as my friend. I was with H for 26 years & BD was a few months ago! Theres plenty of time for R if that is what lies ahead. My inability to manage uncertainty & desire for control keeps me hooked in. I want an end date but I could well shoot myself in the foot if I push too much for that. It must be much worse for you having so much contact with your H. I am pretty much no contact at the minute. My emotions only tend to spike when H sees daughter & she feeds back. Otherwise, I can focus on me and GAL. I've had a wobble today after he had contact with D. I tend to use my small team when that happens. I just allow myself to experience the sadness. I'm grieving for my life that was. Even if we do eventually R, the relationship will never be the same again.
Like you said, try to recognise the small stuff. The big stuff is going to take much longer, especially if you're looking at the long game. You sound like you're doing everything you can at this stage so big high five on that. Keep going Pattnee
