A small win for me but I realized right here in that moment that he needs to know it’s ok to let that stuff go and not do everything before he can relax
Nicely done. You handled that very well, just letting him be. And in doing so he altered/paused his drive that everything needs to be done before relaxing time.
Originally Posted by Pattnee5
I really don’t understand why some men are so completely stubborn to talking about their emotions and feeling and having IC. In the past he saw an IC and said it was amazing and loved it, but now he’s so resistant.
Generally, men are driven mostly by logic and reason. We are protective, strong, and sturdy. And we define ourselves by those principles.
Unfortunately, boys are usually taught, to not show emotions, to walk it off, and so on. Strong silent resilient. Work hard, play hard.
When things go sideways our logical outlook kicks into an even higher gear than our norm. Problem solving is pretty addictive. Sure sometimes a man’s choice is just to get a bigger hammer, seeing most problems a nails. Although, we do have a toolbox of other strategies.
And when things go sideways, emotionally, I mean really sideways, that bigger hammer don’t help. The entire tool box can be dumped right out and nothing in the stereotypical man’s repertoire really works here. One finds himself kind of lost as the few well utilized tools that have worked awesomely in pretty much every situation in our lives thus far just don’t fit.
There is a stubbornness regarding speaking about our inner feelings. It’s a sign, a belief, of weakness. A failure of those principles we define ourselves by. Of course, the counterintuitive path, the thing not yet realized: One needs to be flexible to be strong, elsewise they break when under too much pressure.
Most men simply refuse to yield to mounting emotional pressure(s). They push back. They hold firm. And something has to give.
The funny thing is, opening up, and talking, brings more strength and resilience.
Originally Posted by Pattnee5
Sometimes I hate being a female and all our romanticized ideas and beliefs and fairytales.
Men also have romanticized ideas. No white night ever fails or breaks in the stories.
It’s kind of sad how we all, both men and women, hold ourselves to some beliefs. Perhaps, it’s a conviction that no longer serves. A belief to alter or discard. Plenty of others to strengthen and aspire to methinks.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
