I’m still so lost

[Pattnee5]

Another reason they won't work is he's seen that movie before. And he knows it is not sustainable long term. You simply can't be in limerance, do all the right things mode, forever. He knows that. Deep down you know that too. Even if becoming super wife could delay the inevitable, it would only be a delay. As soon as you became regular old wife Pattnee again he'd be off looking for something else.

So if you have to change something, and what comes intuitively has no chance of working, what is left? That's the power of DBing. GAL. 180s. Detachment. Removing all pressure and pursuit. Taking all of the focus of him and the marriage and putting it on yourself. That's the only real choice here. Trying to stay the same or treat him like you'd treat a new boyfriend will only cause the thing you fear most to come about.

I keep re reading this Steve Thankyou. It is so very right and hits home a lot. I was stuck for so long trying to be super wife. You are right it’s not sustainable. And neither is treating it like a new relationship. I am certainly trying to DB, my 180 is getting better, the detachment is harder with the pursuer distancer but I’m getting there. I want to change me for me and solely for me. And if he chooses to D then he is the fool🥰 Thankyou so much