Detach

[DnJ]

Good Morning Rock

You know your situation best. We are all supportive and seek to suggest and provide our best, based upon what we read. Everyone interprets the world through their own lens, and we all colour your situation from our own experiences.

For example, I see in, and would expect, your posts to contain content about W. For me, this was and is the place to discuss and vent and talk about that facet of one’s life. That leads to a skewed and likely disproportionate surmising of your interactions with W. Sure, your posts have a high percentage of W content, yet your life’s events likely do not.

I don’t know what the correct approach is with the ball games and W coming to watch. I am a player/coach and our family is involved. We played last year as well and so far this early in the season, W is coming out to watch every time and she didn’t last season which was months before BD. She has reported to our kids and she told me in text that she has really enjoyed coming to the games. Could this be an example of do more of what works? As long as I keep my expectations dialed to zero? I really don’t know.

Go to the game. You are player and coach. Have a good time.

If W comes, that’s ok. Good even. She is free attend or not.

I suspect, my own colouring here, that you notice more than just W’s actives. Players, coaches, parents, and such. W is one of many. True she is an important one, and you likely do pay a bit more attention than say to the hotdog guy (I’m pretty sure there is no hotdog guy walking through the stands like the major leagues. Lol. Just using it for illustration. Still, a hotdog guy. Oh, that makes the game. And soft drinks too. And those pretzels. And nachos all smoothed in cheese. Errr.. I digress.)

Even now, seven years post bomb drop, when I happen to cross paths with W, a rarity for sure, I take notice of her. Of course, I do for lots of folks and places and events. For example, yesterday I had lunch with a previous coworker. He wore a peaky cap. Like the ones on the show Peaky Blinders. He never wore that style in all the years I’ve known him.

By the way, those crossing of paths with W are like she rode her bike near me or something. She doesn’t speak to me, nor ever reaches out. Your situation has a different level of contact. She texts and speak to you. Of course, you and her are still married. And son’s needs are a common concern.

I’d take her reporting to the kids and texting you that she enjoys the games as a positive. A simple, glad you enjoyed the game, would be all the necessary acknowledgment of her text.

It’s fine to respond to her. Not needy. Taking your time. And not relationship driven. Going dark or dim is a technique for one to regain their balance, not a tactic for reconciliation. If fact, without communication one cannot reconcile. Obviously, to reconcile one has to talk at some point. Keeping the door slightly ajar, is ok.

As I said, that’s my colouring of your situation based upon what and how I read your posts. Only you truly know if you are fixated upon, or merely noticing W and her behaviour.

I’d place the baseball games in the category of doing more that works. Keep expectations low and let W show her intent. Above all, enjoy the baseball game.

D