All W said is she asked a lawyer that since there has been a 'total lack of intimacy', would a D have to wait the full year till finalized. Lawyer told her that it's possible to be final after 90 days.
W is cherry-picking her facts. It is true that in some locales withholding intimacy is a valid legal reason for divorce. Withholding being the key word. The weaponization of sex is abusive and therefore a legal cause.
However, it sounds like she is the withholder. And one cannot be both plaintiff and defendant, of the same activity. As example, my XW discovered in her web searching that a divorce can be filed immediately when there is physical or mental cruelty/abuse and/or an affair; forgoing the one year separation cool down period. She latched on to the affair idea. She wanted a quick divorce - Why? I have no idea. She’s hasn’t married OM or some such. Anyhow, she tried to charge herself with adultery. Yeah, I know, really bizarre. She found out she cannot. Only the victim, me, could charge her. And I didn’t do that.
T, you do not need to dance to the beat of W’s drum. She does have some reason(s) for speeding this along, yet you don’t have to follow suit. Especially given that it sounds like she has more to lose in a divorce than you. My guess is she feels she can get a better deal by rushing and making you feel like you and her are struggling financially.
Speak to a lawyer to get information. Go in with that mindset. You are only seeking information. Leave the all heavy lifting to W. Let her present you with her proposal. In writing. All you need to do when face to face with her is say you’ll look it over. Then take that to your lawyer and discuss.
Look this is going to time. To keep your stress level from going through the roof, focus on you, GAL, go about your life, and so on. Leave W to her path.
Originally Posted by Terapin
IMO, either she's psyched herself up for this and wants it done asap so she isn't tempted to reconsider, or there's OM involved.
Or she’s getting advice from her divorced friends, or her new best friends, or something else.
Divorce Busting, and more so the LRT, gives time and space for our spouse to perhaps reconsider. That possibility can only happen when we let go. They need their current feelings of the rightness of divorce to fade. That requires to cease reinforcing and justifying those feelings. The LBS can only do their bit in that, we cannot control what our spouse does.
Time and space. Give her lots of each. Let her feel what divorce will be like. Go dim. Be a grey rock. Let her do the heavy lifting without T’s support or help. Perhaps she will start to question her own self assuredness of her actions. And she will start to feel the guilt and regret and such which would actually help you. This is nothing you can directly control or force. It’s all counterintuitive, and so difficult; as MWD says like being asked to stop breathing.
As for the business side, treat this as a business deal gone sideways. You only presently need to gather information on your rights and the scenarios of potential outcome. Knowledge is power. Get your information and learn/know where you stand.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
