I see you quoting "believe nothing he says and only half of what he does". Then a few posts later "he says there's is no one else and I fully trust him". Huh? Which one is it?
One of the things I learned in my situation was that something had to change. Either I had to change my behavior or my marital status had to change. What I see from you is that you're holding on for dear life for things to go back to the way they were. How do I see that? Because you want to try to do the things that someone does to win someone new over. Problem: your husband isn't new. You've got history. Resentments built up. Past hurts. Mistakes, problems and worries. You don't have that with a new person. So you cannot treat your marriage like you could if you were starting over with someone new. Those tactics to win someone over will not work.
Another reason they won't work is he's seen that movie before. And he knows it is not sustainable long term. You simply can't be in limerance, do all the right things mode, forever. He knows that. Deep down you know that too. Even if becoming super wife could delay the inevitable, it would only be a delay. As soon as you became regular old wife Pattnee again he'd be off looking for something else.
So if you have to change something, and what comes intuitively has no chance of working, what is left? That's the power of DBing. GAL. 180s. Detachment. Removing all pressure and pursuit. Taking all of the focus of him and the marriage and putting it on yourself. That's the only real choice here. Trying to stay the same or treat him like you'd treat a new boyfriend will only cause the thing you fear most to come about.
The right answer to DNJ's question is: I don't know. I don't know if there is someone else or not. But regardless, it doesn't change what I need to do. See the difference?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
