First, get your own lawyer. All lawyers say to only use them. It's a crock. It would be like using a buyer's real estate agent. You Need your own representation. As an aside, your money is communal funds so she can already use your money for the retainer. Don't tell her this and don't offer it to her. Just let that go for now.
Second, slow down on the "it's over" talk. It'll be over when it's over. Her talking about it doesn't mean it's over. WASs are all talk. Until you see action, as in she actually files. We've seen the "is over because WAS said it was over" thing before.
Third, back to basics. GAL like a mad man. 180s and self improvements. You're already in a good place regarding detachment. Keep working in it. Remember, focus of her and the marriage and on to you.
I talked to a lawyer this morning. She is going to call back to schedule an appointment.
Last night she said is going to file 'soon'. She said we can continue living like this, but she thinks trying to get this done in 90 days is probably best. I feel like once we have the conversation with our son, there's no turning back. When she asked why I even want to still married, I just told her I believe that barring physical abuse, infidelity, etc, D should be a last resort and all options should tried. She said we did try options (MC) and 'at best it was just a band aid'. And of course the usual 'I haven't been happy in years', 'we never had fun doing things', etc, etc.
I'll continue to 180, GAL, etc, but it won't make a difference regarding the marriage. I've been doing all that stuff for the last month and it did nothing, except possibly make her go from 75% to 100% sure she wants D. Even 5 years ago, when she was involved in an EA, she never had talked to a lawyer or went this far with stuff.
One month is a drop in the bucket. Plus now I'm questioning if the changes and GAL were just to try to save the marriage or if they are real changes Terapin is permanently making? And if I'm questioning that then so is she.
Don't kid yourself. If she went from 75% to 100% it would have whether you we're DBing or not! The alternative was to change nothing.... Which had already taken her to 75%! T, that's not even logical. And there's no such thing as 100%. That's the talk of a man that had given up. Haver you given up?
As far as taking to son as a point of no return. No, just no. I've seen several couples go all the way through divorce, only to reconcile. Death of one of the spouses is the only true point of no return.
Are you in IC? How's that going?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
