Detach

[JosephS]

This is just my non professional advice. Personally I would let an attorney know what's going on and ask for suggestions. That money could become a "thing" if the divorce does proceed.

If you don't want to go that way, there is only 1 way to do this and it's fair, and shouldn't cause issues in the future, you do 50/50.

I don't know the laws in your area, but I'd had to see you put that money into your home, just to get divorced and lose your portion of what's owed.

[Rockon]

Played ball tonight. W came out to watch again and seemed to enjoy engaging with community. I had a great time playing and focused on other things (the game, family, community) than W.

[JosephS]

What a perfect chance you had to not go and do a 180. You had a great chance to leave her wondering where you were, what you were doing, but nope.

I'm sorry but from your small update you can tell the focus was on her.

This is how your update reads to me,

Hey went and played ball again, I knew my STBXW would be there so I went. I tried to stay focused on other things, but I focused on her. I noticed she kept engaging everyone. Maybe next week when I go she'll notice me.

[Rockon]

Interesting read for sure Joseph. And there could be some benefit for me to be elsewhere like you point out. But I had a great time in spite of her showing up. And this is my team and my season.

[Rockon]

I have made a change where I have no longer been creating family events to include W. I have been focusing on having my relationships with our kids independent of her. Interesting (I’m resisting reading anything more into it) that she has showed up to these games where our family participates and in a community that she is familiar with. On to other GAL activities and maintaining focus where it needs to be.

[JosephS]

Well Rock, honestly you seem content on being friends with her, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I didn't think it was your goal, but your actions say it is.

I wish you good luck on your journey, and I'm going to leave you in the capable hands of the others here.

[Rockon]

I really value your input and feedback. I am not content with friendship with W - that’s not what I want. She has said that’s what she wants but honestly she has not been a friend to me. My friends don’t treat me the way she has been.

It is important to me that I do what is right and thus, I am choosing kindness, and caring for myself and my family. W is on the outside looking in it seems to me. And nothing she has said or done indicates that she wants to be in the marriage.

I need to keep investing in my real friendships as I see it.

[Rockon]

I’m reading DR again, and gaining more insights. Joseph and others, you have been very generous and patient with your advice and challenges to me.

I ask for you to keep it coming if you are willing and up to it. I am doing my best and plan to strengthen my DB

[SteveLW]

We're here for you, Rockon! It's awesome you're reading the book again! Well done!

[JosephS]

You can absolutely keep your character and DB and be kind all at the same time! This is why i was going to step out for now. I just don’t think I’m being very much help. Honestly, Steve was very helpful to me in my journey and I was hopeful him or someone else maybe able to help get you over this hump.

I understand this goes against every instinct you have but there isn’t a short cut and doing it at a 25% rate just won’t do. I’m still going to follow but until we can get you to truly start I’m not sure what I can add and I don’t want to be a detriment to getting you there. It’s hard enough getting there as it is. I do know that.