Well done stating you don’t want a divorce, yet you’ll not stand in her way if that is what she wants. You don’t place boulders on her path, and you don’t necessarily help her either.
Originally Posted by Terapin
…3 weeks ago she said she'd possibly be open to working on things. We've had 3 good weeks together, and now she's 100% sure she wants the D.
Yep. Sure sounds like emotional decision making. It’s anyone’s guess what she’ll think three weeks from now.
W has make a clear declaration. Time to back off. Stick to the business at hand. Focus on you and son. And give her lots of time and space.
Originally Posted by Terapin
1. She said the lawyer told her that if she gets her as a retainer ($2500), and we could agree on all the assets, debts, etc, the lawyer can do all the paperwork and stuff. But, if we start fighting about stuff, the lawyer would be 'hers', and I'd have to find one. Again, neither her or I have much money for this. I'm going to at least talk to a lawyer, but is it even possible to work everything out on our own?
Get your own lawyer. This site has many many stores of negotiating turning bad.
This will be the biggest financial decision of your life. And a huge decision regarding son. On top of that, you will likely be in the worse emotional state of your life. That is a recipe for some very poor decision making. Get legal counsel. Learn your rights. Find out the best case, worst case, and the likely case scenarios; and go from there.
W is not in your team. Her lawyer, is her lawyer. Not to mention most locales require each party to have individual legal representations anyhow.
Originally Posted by Terapin
2. She repeatedly was saying she has no idea how she's going to afford to live, and she's going to get a 2nd job to make extra money. She also somewhat asked for help for the lawyer retainer fee. She says the only thing she really cares about is at least 50/50 with our son, and for her to get the dog (fine by me). I know it'll take some time to get everything together and to get the house sold. But should I start looking for a house now? Like, if/when this house sells, I have literally no place to go.
Do not make, nor agree to any arrangements unless your lawyer has said it’s ok. These wee deals can set precedent. And no, she can pay for her own lawyer’s retainer.
Perhaps, through negotiating, you will pay her lawyer fees in exchange for other considerations.
Regarding the house. Would you (or her) still like to live there? Can either of you afford to when going solo? If you do, and can afford it, buy out her share. Kids (and the courts) do like to live in the family home.
These situations/journeys are two paths. The emotional/healing side and the business side. Right now the business side needs some attention. Your other path, the emotional and healing path, keep moving forward. Focus on you. GAL. Go dim. Detach.
You and son can still go to the beach. Right?
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
