I’m still so lost

[Pattnee5]

Maybe a tiny win for me tonight. Had an ok day surrounded with family this evening and laughs. H dropped kids off gave me a kiss and off he went🤷🏼‍♀️.( I don’t get this almost acting normal but leaving I actually hope it affects him. ) His loss we had a delicious home cooked meal together. Tonight after putting kids to bed I started to get teary thinking “ it’s been 7 weeks since he moved out the longer it goes on the less chance he will come home” (of course I also started googling things which say after 6 months your chance is very low of reconciling so this of course was wrong and tears started to fill my eyes I felt the emotions coming and boiling up and then I just closed my eyes visualised a giant stop sign and told myself “I can’t fix him this is his issues and I can’t let them drag me down anymore” tears subside and can continue with my evening and finishing off DR finally. I am about to start to read It all over again ( why not). So a very tiny win I guess but I have a few phrases each time my thoughts to wayward and so far so good.
I also did something completely silly that I never do/believe in and engaged a psychic( see what happens when you’re bored at home and desperate). Can’t say I ever believed in any of that stuff but after today my goodness maybe I am wrong.I got some heavy insight and reassurance that this is his emotional issues in his midlife crisis like state to deal with not mine and that if he walks away it will be his biggest mistake of his life. I don’t know how they know this off a photo and a phone call. Pretty much what you are all drumming into me anyway but the insight was extremely personal and knew some very deep things that I am gobsmacked how they know. Anyway even if it was garbage it bought me a lot of peace as well today. Phew another day done and dusted.