T, I get what your are saying. I had similar thoughts during my situation. Here is the thing, DBing is about investing in yourself! Don't think of it as investing in the marriage. If saving your marriage comes along with the ride, then great! At that point you get to decide whether or not you still want the marriage or not!
So just focus on you. Take all of the focus of her. You've been typing a lot of the right things, but then your last post makes me wonder if you really get DBing or not. The goal is to save Terapin, and to leave his WAW to figure out her own stuff for herself.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712