Here's what I don't want happening. I was/am about 50/50 on if I want to save the M or divorce.
50/50 is a long way from 100. Do not let your emotions make major life decisions.
Originally Posted by Terapin
The last 3 weeks have been really good though. No sex or anything, but communicating, her going out of her way to do nice things, etc. I know it's probably an act.
You are somewhat walking on eggshells. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Let go those expectations. GAL. Live. Invest into hobbies. Be interesting. Act as if.
Originally Posted by Terapin
But I don't want to start getting emotionally reinvested in saving the M (because wow, look how good things have been lately. Wonder if it can be like this all the time!), only to have her proceed with the D. Not sure I'm explaining it correctly.
You don’t. You invest intellectually.
One finds detachment. Unties their emotional response from their spouse’s words and/or behaviour.
While this is occurring, tenets of divorce busting are learned, utilized, and lived. This is a rational pursuit which meshes well with efforts towards detachment. DB is not an emotional response, rather a well thought out approach and controlled action/reaction to one’s situation.
Focus on you, which is basically removing the excessive focus one places upon their spouse during this time. Get a life. Act as if. Lessen/remove the pressure exerted upon W. Give plenty of time and space. Kind and cordial to W. Dial expectations to zero.
When one’s emotions are not driving their situation, they have a better ability to become the best version of themselves. To not walk on eggshells. To find their convictions and stand for them.
DB, at its heart, is us investing in ourselves. And that give us the best chance at saving our marriage.
You are three weeks from BD. And even though it’s the second time around this course, you’ve got the gift of time. Use it well.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
