Brave Little Gerda Passes Through the Door

[Rita]

My God Gerda. There is nothing I can say that can help…I just wanted to drop a note of support for you. Your H definitely is an awful person. And you win the survival award for tenacity, perseverance, and strength. Sending you hugs.

El

But you just said something that can help! Thank you, my friend. I'm lonely in this so it's nice to hear from you.

And of course, DnJ, you have been there as a kind, wise, supportive friend for years now. It was even nice to know you got mad on my behalf.

But today there is more.

I was hanging outside with my neighbor chatting and the bartender from next door came over and said, "Why do you have a camera on top of my camera?"

There was a ring camera attached with a rubber band to the top of his camera, watching my door. I got so scared, weirdly, as if he was watching me right then, but I took a few photos and video of it and then I climbed up and knocked it down and me and my friend whispered until we could get the battery out.

I went to the police and they said if I get footage of him putting it up, I can file for harrassment but that's it.

My past lawyer told me not to file restraining orders because the judge will think I am just doing it to cause trouble, so I didn't.

But now I am scared. I was already scared, honestly. I keep blocking his efforts while trying to have in writing that I am cooperating by saying over and over, there are only 2 out of 70,000 brokers in our state who have a conflict of interest, just have any of the other 69998 contact me, etc. But the GF wrote to my lawyer saying they will need daily access, "we" will be there daily sometimes all day doing repairs and staging, we will be putting all her stuff in storage, etc. So I am tough on one side but then at night I get horrible nightmares and panic attacks. All along I said that I have to buy him out even if I have to sell it two months later because I can't afford to keep it, just to not have to do it with him, I knew he would be like this. So now it's happening, and I can't say what I am scared of, but this is how I was some years back when he lived here or when he kept threatening to come back. Your body keeps the score, as the book says.

I called the domestic violence hotline and they told me I can go in to the office tomorrow and get help to file the order.

My lawyer probably won't like it. But no one in court is helping, they are in fact creating the circumstances allowing him to do this, and I am afraid of what happens next with this guy.