Glad to hear your health is moving in the right direction. And you are getting good sleeps.
Ah, travelling. It can so rejuvenate. All part of looking after one’s self.
You are correct, young adults do go through a time when they focus upon their life and far less upon the family. I suspect they will reach out more and more as they become their own.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
[H] looked absolutely awful. He was a very handsome and pretty fit man and now he just looks puffy, unhealthy, and old. Has me wondering if his MR to his AP isn’t going so well. My IC said he looks like he is suffering from cortisol stress. I told her that if he is, that brought me joy…which I know is awful, but I couldn’t help myself. When someone is so selfish and has treated you with such disrespect, how can you avoid wishing them awful things?
How? You find forgiveness for the transgressions.
That takes a purposeful decision and choice on your part. A certain fortitude and conviction. And, interestingly, requires far less energy than holding a grudge. Forgiveness, truly is for you.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
I find I still want him to suffer for what he’s done. I do not find myself wanting revenge or thinking about it constantly or anything like that, but I also can’t say it doesn’t bring me that joy when it shows up. Does that make me a terrible person?
I do not think you a terrible person.
I do believe you - and since you’ve brought this up and asked, I believe you do as well - you wish to forge a better mindset regarding H.
I found I did not want any hand in my XW’s suffering in this life or the after. I’m just not wise enough to judge her, and especially not sentence her. I gave her to God. Or fate. Or karma. Whichever resonates with you.
Seeing her and her deeds separately allows me to forgive that which I can forgive - the transgressions. One does not forgive the person. Attempting that, places the forgiver upon a higher moral ground from which they choose and dispense forgiveness upon selected folks. We cannot forgive the soul. Instead, one forgives the deed.
Love the sinner, forgive the sin.
There is nothing my XW can do to earn my forgiveness. I chose to write paid in full on the invoice of vengeance I was carrying.
Forgiveness frees one.
Forgiveness is not a free pass. One can still hold them accountable, treating them kindly and with compassion. Restitution is still possible, although not a requisite or need. In fact, letting go of the need for restitution, allows one to see what “freely” enacted restorative efforts would signify sincere and true remorse and change.
All of which had nothing to do with my XW. This is all my path. Heck, she doesn’t even speak to me, so she has no idea.
Anyhow, just sharing. Life is a work in progress. I’m not there yet. Of course, it’s not about the destination, it’s always been about the journey.
Have a wonderful Sunday.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
