Yesterday, was tough. It was Father's Day and we argued a little on the way home from the lake about, get this, songs. There was a song called "The Reason" that I had told her presented my feelings on what I was going through. It played like three times in less than an hour and I told her to change it but the big problem is I listened to it so many times with our S in the car that it is very reccognizable to him and he loves it. I told her that I didn't care if she changed the station, but it was hard to deal with because it did mean a lot to me and considering that she had a CD that I had made her with songs that reminded her of OM and two that he had made her in her case, she could always throw one of those in and ruin my mood. Well we got to her dad's house and she didn't provide much support and I about left. She coaxed me back, reassuring me that "Everything would be all right", and I made it for awhile until I we were working on her dad's computer, trying to E-Mail some pictures and she refused to open her E-Mail account. I told her that she had said she wasn't talking to OM so what did she have to hide? She wouldn't open it and I told her that I didn't know how else to check and see if they went through. I stormed out of the house, drove to our house and wasn't going back.
I called her and told her that she needed to give me a real good reason to not leave. SHe said that she didn't want me to leave. I decided that was good enough and after unpacking the car went back. She was very sweet and we made it through the rest of the afternoon.
Then evening hit and she left to go next door to her Mom and Step Dad's house to "check on her sister". I left after awhile and went over there. She was on the computer and closed out her E-Mail as I walked in. Again she told me that she had no way of communicating with him. I doubt that this is true, but of course, right now I will never know, well, actually I could, but it would mean changing her E-Mail password. I don't want to do that so I guess I have to accept her answer. I just don't want to be lied to anymore. I am so sick of it. Today has been a rough day, and I don't know why. She has been very withdrawn and I have tried to give her some space to get over it. I have also asked her to talk about it, but she doesn't want to do that either. I just wish she would communicate.
To make it worse, last night she told me that she still had 11 days to decide if she wanted to go back to work. I told her I knew that and I thought of that everyday! And I do! I sometimes feel that she is putting on an act to show that she is trying to make it work, but will in the end leave and go back. I believe the only thing she would be going back to would be a job. I don't think they will work out. Regardless, it is tough to wait and wonder.
Well, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your kind ears and caring nature.
