Sorry it took so long to reply, but I have been dealing with the move and all that stuff. W and I are back at IL and things seem to get better. We now have 2-3 good days then a bad day, much better than 1 good day with 2-3 bad days.
The days leading up to the move were very tough. OM would not leave W alone at work. He kept calling and she kept listening, but of course had made her mind up to leave. She didn't call him (she says) but a few days after arrival I noticed that she was keeping tabs on her voice mail. I didn't say much at first but after awhile I caught her sneaking around with phones. Then we went in to change our service on our cells and that evening she decided to try and let the battery die down on her phone and I made a fatefull mistake. I noticed her phone face had lit up at about 5:30 AM when I was going to the bathroom. I picked it up and the number was listed as private (OM's calls had always been listed this way)...and there was a voice message. I didn't check it figuring one was not a big deal, then I looked at the call log and there were 8 out of 10 listed previous recieved calls from him, and then the message adjusted to 8 new messages.
I was furious. I went up to our room and let loose the anger. She said she didn't know what I was talking about, so I showed her the phone. She said she didn't know why he was calling her. I told her she had to tell him to stop or else I was gone this time. She said she didn't ever return the calls except to tell him that she was back and excited to be back. I didn't take it as an acceptable answer and started to drive to a friends house, this happened the day that we were supposed to leave to go to the lake for my sons birthday. I would not have been there. I called my mom and told her I had had enough and that I wanted her and my sister (both paralegal secrateries) to research MN divorce and child custody laws. I ended up losing the connection about 15 miles into a 25 mile trip. I called her and then I started back on my moms last words of advice to "Not abandon my son". I called her and she said she didn't know what to tell me. She hadn't tried to contact him; and she didn't know why he wouldn't leave her alone. She then told me that she had gone through this the whole week before we left. Which explained why she had been so crabby. Her mom came over and had pieced everything together by our reactions and what W had told her on the phone. MIL kinda cut into her and told her she had to take of the blinders, accept the fact that the affair was not healthy and move on with her life. MIL also stated that W was lucky to have a man who loved her after all the turmoil. MIL then said that she was sorry that W thought she didn't support her, but MIL couldn't support something she didn't believe in. W then fired out the old "Where was he when I was alone and hurting," remark and I froze as my MIL left. W stormed around finishing the packing and I told her something that I had never said in response to that question. Usually I had answered that "I was there, but she never came to me" this time it hit me, I told her "I don't know where I was. I don't know why I didn't notice that you were in pain, but if you give me a second chance I will never let you feel that way again." It seemed like a switch turned on and she realized that I had taken my responsibility for the problems that we had and was working on them. She didn't walk away, and I gave her a hug and she sobbed on my shoulder and restated that she didn't want to talk to him anymore.
I listened to the messages and they were all begging her to come back to him. She gave me her phone and I asked her what she wanted me to do with it. She told me she didn't care, but she was sick of it. I gave both of our phones to my FIL and he put them in his office. She did tell me that she had called him and told him she may be coming back to work since I had left, but not to get his hopes up about her wanting to see him. We left for the lake.
We talked in the car and I was still a mess even when she reached out to me and said everything was going to be alright. Seemed so sudden and forced. She also was very sweet to me as we ate at McDonalds. Our conversation to the lake revolved around us having a good time and worrying about us. I told her I felt she should call him and tell him his calls were unwanted (advice from my mother). SHe said silence would work just as well. I half-heartedly agreed.
At the lake there was some turbulence, but also some good times. We ML at the place that asked for her hand in marriage. We have ML 3 other times since. In fact in 5 days we ML 4 times and probably would have done it more, but man am I wore out! Maybe tonight, or tomorrow (Father's Day). My birthday was two days ago and it went very well. Today however she has been a little downtrodden. I have a hard time dealing with that. Then to make it worse, he tried to call on his way home from work and I took the call, he hung up. Maybe that will help send the message. I went and talked to her about it and she became defensive (part of the crabbiness), I doubt he will be calling back for awhile and with any luck we will have changed our cell phone numbers by the time he does try again.
Well that is where we are at now. Any advice? I know it must look good, but some days it is still sheer hell and unbearably painful. I just keep on holding out hope for a short road to happiness, but of course I am prepared for the long-haul. Anyway, gotta go. Thanks for listening and praying and I still pray for you my friend. Best of Luck
