One day at a time 2

[MikeP]

Last couple if days have been really hard. I feel like I’m back to square one at times. Sad, angry, just generally down in the dumps. I “feel” like I’m being played by W. Those feelings again, as stubborn as those fears. Feel like she’s here for the wrong reasons, not here to be with me. Ever since she told me she was happy again yet wants to sweep everything under the rug and move on I’ve been in a major funk. I look at her or think about how she is now and I wonder what happened to the girl I’ve loved my whole life. This isn’t her and I don’t even know if I love her anymore. Still in love with a memory. That was hard to type. I just don’t see a future with her right now and it [censored].

A part of the convo I forgot about- When she told me she was happy again I asked if her feelings towards me had changed. She didn’t understand the question. I said you told me on BD (I used different terminology) that you weren’t in love with me anymore, is that still true? She said I love you and then tried to say it was the same thing. We talked about it some more and I dropped it. Maybe it shouldn’t have bothered me so much. Maybe I’m just splitting hairs. She is happier acting yet she definitely doesn’t seem like she’s in love again.

I said I would move forward as if that conversation didn’t happen. I can’t seem to though. I feel like an idiot, maybe I should move on. I’m not doing a good job at all lately of trying to forgive her. Maybe I’m really as bad as she thought I was and will be happier with out me.