Quote: I faced major setbacks yesterday. I had still been talking with OM's W and she had been passing me information about my W and OM. She had told me that on Saturday the two hand kissed and hugged in the parking lot at work and that my W had called OM on the way home from work to ask if he was going to follow her on the highway until she had to turn off so they could talk. All this happened the day after I had left work early to check and see if the two were still rendevouzing after work. I found both cars parked together, OM had punched out of work early and was going home, showed he was trying to avoid my W. I stopped him and talked to him. He told me to take her home and be good to her. I told him I had always been good to her so I guess I would have to be great in order to keep her interest. We shook hands and left. I went in and told his W about the early departure and all of the other stuff, she said it was a good move on my part (I of course know better). She also said that he had told her that he wanted to ML with her that night. OM was very upset about the fact that I had driven all the way down to OM's W place to try and make her feel a little better because she was so depressed over the affair.
Maybe it isn't such a good ideal to talk to the OM's W. If she conacts you, tell her about the books that have helped you, and tell her about DB. But also tell her to work out your R problems, you have to put all your time and engrey into your marriage. Even though you would like to help her with her problems (for the simple fact that maybe her H would leave your W alone.) You have to work on your own marriage. It's nice and sweet that you want to be there for her but rembmer that is how EA start and you really don't need your W thinking you are having an EA with OM's W.
Quote: also think it is hard waiting for W to bring intimacy back to our R. I know W is going through a tough time. I guess the more patient I am with her, wait for the move, and keep supporting her through this the better it is for me.
She has gotten a tone of foot rubs and has even sat on my lap a couple of times.
That maybe your W's way of letting you know that she wants intimacy. I know for some people the tought of asking for intimacy scaries them. It is one thing I have not been able to ask for. Maybe W sitting on your lap is her first move. Next time try and kiss her. Go form there, If it seems like W dosen't want intimacy stop. But who knows, Waitting around might be a cheeseless tunnal. You can always backtrack if it seems like it was the wrong move.
Quote: I think she needs support from them, but what kind of advice is good from them? They are going to talk a lot about how great of a guy I am. Do you think that will be okay? They have stayed in constant contact with me through this, and she has done the opposite of what they have told her to do, aside from this move.
I think you should have them read DB or DR which ever one helps you the most. Tell theam that at this point W doesn't need the sitch thrown in her face. Ask them not to go on about it. I think that if they went on about what a great H you are it would just make her feel guliter about sitch and make DBing that much harder.
I know that when my mom found out about my sitch I had to listen to her thoerys. Then I relized it was just making me worse so I told her I didn't need to hear this and for her to not to talk about it unless I bought it up. When I told her that and explain what it is that I am trying to do, she was nice enough to drop the subjuct.
Quote: I finally have my wish for a second chance and I keep on pouring cold water over her efforts to try and get her feelings back for me.
Don't be too hard on yourself, you don't need to be hit with the 2x4 yet. As long as you are seeing what you are doing and learning form that you are in the right dirction. If you can turn this step back into a postive by learning form it you will be on the road to sucess.
Quote: So now I just have to sit back and make it easier for her. We went to dinner last night at the Casino she works in and I was very uncomfortable. It was hell. The food was very good and afterwards we went bowling. She reached out a couple of times and it was a good time. Boy do I have a long road ahead of me. After these next 8 days we will be away from the casino, and most of the nightmares that have come from that. 10 days from now we will be back where our love was very strong, and the stimulus of the best part of our relationship will be center stage. I keep praying that this will be good enough to get her back into my corner. I know I still have a long way to go before I will be in the clear, but for now she is still here, still sleeps in the same bed with me, and sometimes...she even smiles . That sure makes me feel good.
That is a great baby step. Look at that as proof that DBing is working. Keep in mind the rollercoaster has just begin but there are high points to it.
