I’m still so lost

[SteveLW]

Another thing to remember. Believe nothing he says.

He is confused and saying what he is saying to get that he wants. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Be off on his own doing what he wants with not responsibilities, and come play house but spending time with his kids and having sex with his wife when that mood strikes him.

Being Plan B is not a fun place to be. Most LBSs endure all of this in the hopes of will make the WAS come back. The problem is that it won't. It just prolongs limbo before the WAS wants to enjoy their new found freedom and eating their cake too for as long as they can. This is why I encourage LBS spouses to say a drop dead date. That if the WAS isn't back and working on the marriage but X date (usually 1 year past BD, but it's really up to when the LBS wants to end the waiting) then the LBS will go for for divorce.

All I can do is share my own experience, and the two best things I did when my wife was in her cake eating mode was to consult with an attorney and to set a drop dead date. It took the scariness out of the divorce process (knowledge is power) and it gave me light at the end of the limbo tunnel.

I'm glad to hear that you don't want him to come back unless HE wants to come back. Now your actions need to match those words.