I’m still so lost

[Pattnee5]

Thankyou so much Caset and D,
I’m half way through DR at the moment. Still feel waves of emotion and sadness then waves of strength and positivity.
My situation is a difficult one to handle in regard to pulling away. H is living a few minutes away and very much wants to see the kids every day and hands on. Taking them to school picking them up, sport ( especially now that I am recovering from major surgery and can’t drive). Communication happens daily via text based on kids and their needs. The hardest thing for me is seeing him bounce in happily and cheerful ( more cheerful than he’s been for years) and meanwhile I’m internally combusting. He keeps saying he cares for me, small touches of affection like before BD smiles, bringing me coffee from the coffee shop in the morning, inside jokes. I am trying now we I read DR to start implementing some things, trying ro validate, to listen etc. it’s hard to GAL while I’m recovering but I’ve had lots of friends and family visit me and have a few social things lined up in a few weeks. I guess it’s hard to see him GAL and acting like he’s all happy when I am not happy. I can’t tell him not to come around it’s his house and we are trying to keep this as least distrusting for the kids as possible. But I have been very clear if he decides we are done for good then I won’t be seeing him or cross paths as I will need to fall out of love so one day I can love someone else.
I will keep reading. The posting helps so much it’s like speaking to someone who has walked my path.
In regard to a MLC or just emotional turmoil or whatever it is I don’t know. His job has been work from home for several years even before covid. 15 months ago he took a very senior position in a company and at the time was doing his old and new role for several months. He didn’t and doesn’t know how to disconnect from work and kept working but never speaking up as he didn’t want to show his boss failure. He worked long hours then also because he worked from home felt he had to also do household errands in between ( while I worked). It’s almost like he didn’t know how to separate his day and prioritise. There’s almost like this fear of doing a bad job. Then the comments started about losing his body shape, lack of motivation from gym, concerned he needed glasses, stopped wanting to go out socially, drank isolated at home and would get angry.
It’s almost like this needed to happen so he can reset himself out of whatever hole he has put himself in and I can’t het him out. It’s almost like he feels old and tired. The spending and expensive sports cars hasn’t happened. The A hasn’t happened that I know about.At this stage I am certain it hasn’t but that’s not to say in the coming weeks or months something will. That’s also not to say something hasn’t happened months ago that’s eating him up and I don’t know about. I guess I have to be prepared for anything
It’s funny now I can see the old him creeping back in. I always told him he needed to not work from home, find somehwere away to call his office, separate his work day and home day, and take personal and family time and not work 7 days a week. I can’t make him see that I suppose.
I can’t fix him like you said.
I’ll keep reading. I have gone through the validation page, the detachment ( man that’s hard)
I find my situation is so hard because he is still acting so loving and nice and wants to be around and we don’t have screaming matches or fight. He just said his emotions and is head is all a mess and he doesn’t know what he wants, and I guess someone who has bottled stuff up for so many years and never learnt to talk is struggling with it
I will keep reading and Thankyou for letting me keep posting. I finally feel I have found my people who actually understand