Thanks for words of encouragement Steve & DnJ. I took a lot of comfort from them. I've not felt distress like that since the beginning when H was living at home and it blindsided me! I'm glad I posted and also glad I didn't follow my urges to contact. The strong feelings passed & alongside this, a little chip of my eagerness for R.
I'm opening my eyes to being worth more than his current treatment of me. This recent episode has also shown me that he has such a lot of work to do on himself before he would be able to commit to a healthy collaborative loving relationship. I'm not sure he'll get there & if he did, I'm not sure I'll still be waiting but no need for any firm decisions. One day at a time!
I continue to work on me, in particular I'm trying to develop my own confidence in being independent and not feeling that my worth is dependent on having a husband. Lots to look forward to this week including an overnight stay with a good friend where we are going to relive our youth and go clubbing.
