I've noticed about a month ago W started watching a TV series called Divorced. I think it's on HBO. I finally broke down and watched the first two episodes last night. Pretty much what I expected, and seems like 90% of the situations here. I swear people (mostly women) live vicariously through skanks like Sarah Jessica Parker, and watch shows and movies like these to build validation for their own actions. End rant.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
I've noticed about a month ago W started watching a TV series called Divorced. I think it's on HBO. I finally broke down and watched the first two episodes last night. Pretty much what I expected, and seems like 90% of the situations here. I swear people (mostly women) live vicariously through skanks like Sarah Jessica Parker, and watch shows and movies like these to build validation for their own actions. End rant.
Yep. Very common for a WAS to seek out media, entertainment, even people to gain validity for what they are doing. And to shun anyone or anything that is contrary to that. I'll never forget on New Year's Eve during my situation my wife, as we were getting ready to go to our friend's house for NYE backed out at the last second. She claimed she wasn't feeling well. In hindsight I believe it was because our best friend's were an affirmation of our marriage. That going over there represented our (both couples) mutual commitment to our spouses. That our family and their family represented the Christian, "no divorce no matter what (except for adultery)", stance she'd always taken. And that going there would trigger her guilt in not having that stance any longer.
I also noticed she was watching YouTube videos on female strength and independence, listing to female empowerment and break up songs, etc.
But I can't emphasize enough how big her not going to our friend's that night was. And the awkward position it put me in. Her best friend want buying the sudden "I don't feel well" story. And I don't blame her. My wife's upbeat demeanor the minute she didn't have to go that night told me she felt fine.
Sorry, bit of a tangent. But your observation brought that back.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I've noticed about a month ago W started watching a TV series called Divorced. I think it's on HBO. I finally broke down and watched the first two episodes last night. Pretty much what I expected, and seems like 90% of the situations here. I swear people (mostly women) live vicariously through skanks like Sarah Jessica Parker, and watch shows and movies like these to build validation for their own actions. End rant.
Yep. Very common for a WAS to seek out media, entertainment, even people to gain validity for what they are doing. And to shun anyone or anything that is contrary to that. I'll never forget on New Year's Eve during my situation my wife, as we were getting ready to go to our friend's house for NYE backed out at the last second. She claimed she wasn't feeling well. In hindsight I believe it was because our best friend's were an affirmation of our marriage. That going over there represented our (both couples) mutual commitment to our spouses. That our family and their family represented the Christian, "no divorce no matter what (except for adultery)", stance she'd always taken. And that going there would trigger her guilt in not having that stance any longer.
I also noticed she was watching YouTube videos on female strength and independence, listing to female empowerment and break up songs, etc.
But I can't emphasize enough how big her not going to our friend's that night was. And the awkward position it put me in. Her best friend want buying the sudden "I don't feel well" story. And I don't blame her. My wife's upbeat demeanor the minute she didn't have to go that night told me she felt fine.
Sorry, bit of a tangent. But your observation brought that back.
My brother and his gf have lived together for the last 10 years. It wasn't any type of ideal relationship. lol. Anyway, about a month ago she went to work one day, left a note that said 'I"m done', and never came back. When my brother's at work she'll come and get her stuff, but has yet to reply to a text, call, etc from my brother. When W BD'd me last week, she mentioned that my brothers gf leaving brought her feelings back to the surface. Unreal.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Did a 180 today and met my brother out at a restaurant/bar. We hung out, shot pool, etc for a few hours. W didn't say much about me leaving, or getting home. I did bring our son dinner, and asked if she wanted anyting also. For me, GAL is the worst part about this process. I'm exhausted from work, and it [censored] 'forcing' myself to go do stuff.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Not much to report today except: I went into my W's little home office looking for a stamp. i noticed a stack of papers, so I took a look. It was printouts of all our expenses, assets, debts, etc. Also she typed up several ideas for custody plans.
None of this was shocking, or even surprising. She always makes lists, spreadsheets, etc, and she said she would be doing it. But it kinda sucked seeing the steps she's already taken. On a positive note though, with her recent promotion, she now makes more money than me!
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Boy, there doesn't seem to be nearly as much traffic around here as a few years ago!
W has been much nicer, more talkative, etc the past few days. Way more than pre BD. I know that means absolutely nothing though. I"m still thinking about her divorce 'spreadsheets' that I saw last night. I feel like if D is a given, I'm really 10 steps behind her.
We have a funeral tomorrow. I'll be there for the day, and supportive in any way. It will still be weird being around her family, knowing that they're aware of our sitch.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
T, my wife had similar spreadsheets, documents, etc. It means nothing. What I've come to learn is that many LBSs like the idea of divorce more than the actual divorce. The LBSs that do no planning and just go by instinct, reaction and impulse are the ones that actually go through with it. The ones that do all this fantasizing and planning are the ones that typically never follow through
Does your wife tend to follow through on things no matter what, or does she give up on things at the first sign of resistance?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
T, my wife had similar spreadsheets, documents, etc. It means nothing. What I've come to learn is that many LBSs like the idea of divorce more than the actual divorce. The LBSs that do no planning and just go by instinct, reaction and impulse are the ones that actually go through with it. The ones that do all this fantasizing and planning are the ones that typically never follow through
Does your wife tend to follow through on things no matter what, or does she give up on things at the first sign of resistance?
Hey Steve. IDK, she definitely is always organized with stuff. But last time she didn't get to making any spreadsheets or anything. And she's definitely been working on it the last few days. I mean, there's nothing I can do about it anyway.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
T, my wife had similar spreadsheets, documents, etc. It means nothing. What I've come to learn is that many LBSs like the idea of divorce more than the actual divorce. The LBSs that do no planning and just go by instinct, reaction and impulse are the ones that actually go through with it. The ones that do all this fantasizing and planning are the ones that typically never follow through
Does your wife tend to follow through on things no matter what, or does she give up on things at the first sign of resistance?
Hey Steve. IDK, she definitely is always organized with stuff. But last time she didn't get to making any spreadsheets or anything. And she's definitely been working on it the last few days. I mean, there's nothing I can do about it anyway.
Very true. My wife is a great organizer. She's terrible with follow through. So no matter the "plan" she was documenting, there was a decent likelihood she wasn't going to follow thru. And she did not.
I like your response. Focus on what you can control!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Had W's grandmas funeral today. Wasn't sure exactly what to do. Obviously I went, and basically hung out with our son. W and I didn't 'avoid' each other, but also didn't exactly hang out. Afterwards we went to her parents for the 'wake'. I helped get food ready, and hung out w/ her brother and kids for a few hours. She didn't really say much to me, aside from cracking a few jokes at my expense to her sister. I felt a little out of place, since her family knows our sitch. But I guess overall it was fine, and I was there for the family, not to DB. Although it was hard to 'detach' in that sitch, since I was kinda on my own.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
