Saving Pack through D, Pack_19 part V

[Pack_19]

Same advice here. 10 years goes by in a blink of an eye. All my kids are now out of the house. Lots of free time to do whatever I want. You only have a short time with them while they are little... maximize it. Work will always be there, even after they are grown.

Also, include the kids in all the chores. Have a great time while doing each of them. Make the chores fun. Have music going and dance while sorting laundry. Have them involved in grocery shopping and picking out food for the week.

Two ideas from here. 1 I need to be more flexible and stop wanting everything to be perfect, just focus on enjoying my time with them. 2, more music and fun activities at home even when doing the chores. I might get a housekeeper when I am done paying the first 20% of the house and the pension to exW.

Last Friday I spent the night at hospital with S9 because he had an asthma crisis. The first time so the doctor made us stay to ensure he was doing well. It was the day I was picking them up so I message exW to tell her how come she had not let me know earlier. She replied that I always acted as if I cared more about our kids and that if I truly cared I would ensure I have a good R with her, their mom.

These messages always hit me hard. I know what I am doing, I don't want any R with her, I talk about the important issues with kids to her and I am going to be a rock after all she has done.

She came to see S9 briefly at night as only one person could stay and then in the morning. When he arrived he sent me a message reading "you are coming out right?", so I left for a quick coffee and let them alone some time. All I could think was I had just spent the night awaken next to S9, making sure he was ok and not scared, holding his hand and then she would just write to me with the same disrespect and apathy she has used since day 1 in our domestic separation. What I am trying to say is that again these experiences hurt me but at least this time I was thinking, this is my future, continue to do father things as my top priority but "alone". It is going to be me and them and it is going to feel strange but I can be very good at this!

That same day later I got a message from exW telling me I had forgotten to send the pension this month. Which, as I told my sister later, it was right but felt like a slap of cold water on my naive face, "hey pack! this is the W you are dealing with now, open your eyes you idiot!. I feel I did a great job as superdad, you guys cannot imagine how I smashed the WOD at crossfit yesterday thinking about it. I was one of the very few to finish it in time with heavy weights.

S9 is much better now, I am taking good care of them and taking them to the beach this week for some holidays we have so that he can stay away from all the pollen in the city.

I feel like I have had 3 past weeks of reverting to bad habits. thinking what W might think of me or might be doing and with whom, questioning if I really am a new and completely different man and thinking I was not focused at work. I will use cross-fit, running and my books as channels to go back to the place I was where kids are 1, pack is 2 and my PIES are 3, and there is nothing more in the horizon for now.

Have you seen the video from Jordan Peterson where he states that D with kids has a high probability of demolishing your life or a big part of it? What do you think about this statement. I think about it a lot, as in thinking I have very challenging conditions in my life and must be good to myself. Deep inside my heart I know I am great at shining in the face of a good challenge!

Thank you all,
((Hugs))
Pack