I’m still so lost

[Pattnee5]

I know I can’t explain or make sense what he’s going through but he keeps mentioning what I did 9 years ago and the affair I had in my 30s. He never bought it up for a long time we went to counselling I hated the person I was back then so immature so Irrational and always silently punish myself for it every single day but now he’s dredged back up, like he doesn’t forgive me all over again, almost like he regrets he gave it another shot because if he walked away then like he said he wanted to he wouldn’t be here now. It hurts me so much, I don’t know what to do to ease this pain for him I am prepared to do anything to heal his trauma and move forward. I can’t change what I did, but I am a very different person now in my early 40s to who I was then when our marriage got Rocky and I decided to seek comfort elsewhere. I will forever hate myself for it but I am just so distraught that this is what’s coming up again now as why we are over. I don’t know if he’s just clouded by his own emotion or what. I am such a better person now. I am changing myself daily for the better even during this time I still seek counselling to be w better person.
Maybe he just needs time to se e the proof. I don’t know
Maybe I am kidding myself and it is over