I’m still so lost

[Pattnee5]

Thankyou terrapin. I know I have often thought of another person but he has assured me there isn’t ( I know that means nothing). He works from home so never goes out other than at the gym, and is living in a little self contained granny flat above my grandmothers house which is about a 3 minute walk from us. He’s always in sweat pants and doesn’t even dress up so all evidence points to nobody else. I think if there was he would tell me so he could get out and be done. Especially after what I did to him 9 years ago, he certainly had it up his sleeve. He is def conscious of his appearance and the belly weight at 48 when he never used to have a stomach but he fell into self destructing behaviour of just working drinking and not working out, so now he has alot of self hate and low confidence. It really is a shame. I know he used to love when people would compliment him on how well built he was, and maybe not having that anymore jusy isn’t sitting right. It’s almost like my compliments mean nothing to him. I am 41 so I am not sure if my age is now a factor for him and his feelings

This really is a [censored] path. I have the DR coming today to read. I am not sure if I should get the DB on kindle too to read as well. I am fighting like crazy to hang on to him because I feel if I have to put up with this for one year to get another 40 it’s worth it.

Thanks terapin for your input regardless if you’re new at it or not it’s nice to connect with people who know what this is like.