I've got a question. H's emotions are all over the place at the minute. I know from previous posts that it is not my job to smooth the relationship with H & the kids but what do I do if that relationship is causing harm? My kids are older (S-19 & D-16) so are old enough to make their own decions about contact & I'm allowing then to do that (thanks to good advice in here!).
As said above, H is starting to experience the loss and depression. He's arguing with OW & flits between over contact and no contact. The background to my question is that D has spoken to him previously how important it is that he responds to her messages, particularly when he is with OW. D has history of school trauma & is quick to interpret rejection which triggers significant anxiety. H knows this when he is of sound mind. This week has involved a lot if drama where both kids have messaged their dad with several thoughts about his behaviours. I have stayed out if it & had no contact since Tuesday morning. D messaged him today asking why he lied about ending it with OW and asked him if OW knew that he was going to end it. H messaged back pleading with her to not tell OW. She screenshot the message & he then rang crying saying he had messed everything up, he wished he hadn't slept with OW, he loved D & his family & wanted them back. D was crying too but he didn't acknowledge her distress only his own. Unfortunately all this happened whilst I was out getting my hair done in prep for girls night tonight. I came home & D said she had 3 panic attacks since the phone call & her eyes were puffy & red from crying.
I am no contact with H since the beginning of the week &, whilst I am happy for D&S to make their own decisions. I am not happy that he is unburdening his own distress on a 16 year old girl with past rejection trauma. I've offered D counselling but she has refused because she wants to focus in exams and is worried IC will open the lid on past trauma. Should I contact H to ask him to be thoughtful about who he offloads to? He us supposed to be seeking his own IC but this may have been a lie. Any ideas on how to approach this?
