My W finally took her things out of our house today. It was an interesting interaction as I was at home. Wife said she is sick and has physical pain, but she was very silent, I could hear sadness or unhappiness in her voice. As if life has been sucked out of her. Although she mentioned that she is fully happy right now.
I was calm, relaxed during the whole interaction. I was definitely more positive, upbeat and happy today. I got this negative vibe all the way from her, while I maintained polite and kind responses. Even helped her pack some of the things and helped to move things. After helping I received some semi-sarcastic words that she used to do these things only by herself and was fully cable of doing everything herself. Please note that I was not insisting on helping her, she asked me for help, while she was packing.
I asked a couple of questions how she is doing she did answer with one or two words. Many chaotic messages from her ranging from I love my job to I want to quit my job. From I am settling down and taking these things for my new home to I am going to leave the country and live somewhere else. Either she is hiding things from me or completely lost. She wants to change her whole life. Restart it.
I can see that whenever there is any potential glimpse of discussion on her emotions she immediately shuts down, gaslights or denies everything. As if she is running from them completely even after this time.
My wife noticed that I have done massive positive changes and I am on a good path to further enhance them. She can truly notice. Although she tried go "sell" me that this is why divorce is such a good thing for me. That everything is just perfect now. I just smiled as I will continue my personal growth with or without divorce. I am happy on my progress and even satisfied to do things on my own.
Also W said that I can now bring a new women since her stuff is gone. I remained truthful to my principles and responded: "Currently I am a married man and I am sticking to my core values and vows". She just laughed at it.
I believe my only single major slippage was asking how did we get from marriage & saying forever to this in a span of several months? She turned to me with complete apathy and said "oh well, such is life". At that moment I felt like only completely traumatized person would say these things in such a manner. I could only imagine myself showing no compassion or empathy in this way if the other person was physical abusing, cheating for years. Let me tell you, it is not the case.
Overall, I am pretty satisfied how I handled everything. I was polite, cheerful, helpful, respectful. I showed kindness even if I did not receive much back. I was the leader and bright beacon instead of playing a victim or blaming her for something. I simply wished her best luck with her life and showed that I can continue my life happily even without her. If I would be looking at our interaction from 3rd person angle, I would probably say that I was the one to initiate the divorce/living my life to the fullest and she was the sad, hurt person. I've seen her happy, I've seen her confident, I've seen her being satisfied with her life and choices. Today was not such day for her.
I do feel that I continue to heal in a good way. Typically during/after such meeting I would have a high heart rate and cry afterwards. Today I was totally fine during and after the meeting. Once she left I packed my stuff and went to my friends to have a spontaneous BBQ and wonderful time. Life is good when you decide to go with the flow and enjoy the little moments.
Read through this post and tell me if you see self righteousness and if you are being genuine. Maybe I’m wrong maybe I’m right.
