Quote: I had personal therapy today and she said it was okay to ask questions, if we have agreed that we need to restore Trust. Which we both have addressed. She has said that the only way I will ever trust her is if we move. I have agreed to do that. Right now though we are here. I have learned not to attack her and some of our conversations lately have been great! Better than ever in fact.
I guess my main question is what if this guy is budging in and she wants him out? Is it okay to ask her this? Am I safe, since I have given her the distance as far as stepping back from intimacy, to ask her honest reply? She has been forthright the last week or so
Frist off great for learning how to talk to W without attacking her. You need to see if your therapist is a SBT = Solution-Based Brief Therapy or Therapist. I think a SBT would help better than a regular therapist. Have you read any of Michele's books. I would recomed Divorce Buster and Divorce Remady. I have read both of them and the help me.
Has your W asked you to take a step back and give her the distance as far as stepping back from intimacy. If she hasn't came out and asked you for that you might want to take a look at things aother way. I know that in my case I wished we didn't take that step back. But rember everyone is dirffent. If it is possiable you need to talk to W about what form of distance she needs.
If she is willing to be forthright and is willing to talk. You need to rember that it might not be best to talk about some things until you can handle the answer. I know part of DBing is to work on yourself. And not to bring up R talk until the other is ready to talk. You need to think things over. Ask yourself what are your goals, will asking her about Om get you closer to your gaols or farther way. Now be brutly honset with yourself (I made the mistake of wanting to know and egnoying the fact it would take my farther from my gaol). If it will take you closer go for it. But if it will make things worse don't do it.
