Well, here is my story. About 7 weeks ago my wife told me that she was very unhappy in our marriage and she had been seeing another man. He works with her and she admits that they only talk once in awhile, but she has gone to the mall and kissed him. She told me that she had been unhappy for atleast 6 months and it all seemed like news to me. We had just moved to the town we are in August of 04 after living in Northern MN for 3 years. I am a teacher and was hosed out of my job and had to take a job in a location that was far from wife's family. She didn't like it much then she got job. She loved it. I coach and was very busy trying to establish myself in what would have been a GREAT teaching career, she has always felt that I don't spend enough time with her and son, but of course forgets about summers off. She had been talking a lot about the OM and I just chalked it up to another MF. She has always had a lot of them, very few FF. Ever since we had to make the move I had become very stuborn and she seemed to nag me a lot so I withdrew. She nagged, we seemed to become isolated from each other, not that I stopped loving her, just got sick of being bitched at. After she told me I went through all the stages. I coddled, she accepted, but the more attention I gave her the more trouble we had, DUH! I was smothering, and she kept falling further and further away. A couple of times she has said that she wasletting OM go, but he keeps on creeping back in like a bad dream. I think he is trying to present the friendly front and she keeps letting him back in, or is afraid to tell him to take a hike, for fear of losing attention she couldnpt get from me. I have been in the process of performing a 180. I threatened to leave her if she didn't give us a chance. She told me he was out for good. But Monday he called while I was home for lunch. I am seconds from walking out the door. We have been to therapy twice and she has said there has been a little progress. Seems to be trying or at least putting on the impression that she is trying. I even confronted the two of them at work last Friday and they both admitted it was over between them.
We had our second therapy session yesterday and left under good terms. That evening I was coaching a baseball game and she called me as the game was getting over wondering when we would be home. I told her it would be around 9:00. She said that was fine and that she and our S 4 were at the park. Sounded okay to me and I dismissed it and went on with the evening feeling pretty good for the first time in a long time.
When I got home we chit chatted for a few minutes and then she fell asleep since she had taken some antihistimine tablets. I didn't sleep well but felt good. She woke up to go to work and I told her to have a good day. She responded with the same and I fell back to sleep.
Today when I woke up I asked my S how the park was he said fun. He said that he played and mommy talked to a guy. I quizzed him on the guy and he told me the description of the OM. I began thinking again and the peace that I thought I had found yesterday has left me, a little. Then when dropping off my S at daycare I noticed that she had not picked him up until 5:20, she had a meeting at 2:30 which probably took an hour, then a generous 40 minutes to drive home would have put her in at 4:10. An hour and ten minutes? Maybe the meeting ran over slightly, but she was getting done when he was getting off work. I had personal therapy today and she said it was okay to ask questions, if we have agreed that we need to restore Trust. Which we both have addressed. She has said that the only way I will ever trust her is if we move. I have agreed to do that. Right now though we are here. I have learned not to attack her and some of our conversations lately have been great! Better than ever in fact.
I guess my main question is what if this guy is budging in and she wants him out? Is it okay to ask her this? Am I safe, since I have given her the distance as far as stepping back from intimacy, to ask her honest reply? She has been forthright the last week or so.
