Brave Little Gerda Passes Through the Door

[Gerda]

A quick and awful update.

Today was the hearing on the motion in front of Judge 2, the regular judge and not the referee from the trial. The referee judge is great, very smart, listens carefully and reviews all the papers really closely, sees H for what he is as far as I can tell. He was going to give me 4 months to refinance without any repeat marketing of the house from H. This was one of the things referred to trial and we have already spent tens of thousands of dollars at trial discussing it.

The regular judge is new to the case and HATES me, I do not know why but it seems that women judges like to show how tough they are on women. The two women judges I had were strangely horrible to me and the referee judge, who is a man is fair and neutral and nothing like that. It's not like it's pleasant with him, but it feels fair. This other woman judge it feels like a scene in the Crucible.

Today she heard the motion about me going to jail for not continuing his advance equity payments. I filed for contempt because he would not get an appraisal or accept mine so that I could buy him out. She rejected that and made me pay his legal fees because it was frivolous. This one he filed for contempt because I finally had to stop paying advances, since I was out of money and it seemed he was just going to expect advances forever but would never actually let me buy him out. So he filed for me to be put in jail for 6 months and that he be allowed to take over our house as a "receiver" -- I guess he got that from Trump, literally! He and his lawyer lied and lied -- e.g., said I had never paid him any advance equity but I have paid him like 80K since this thing started. She refused to discuss me getting child support and found me in contempt and created a judgement against me for his legal fees but did not, as you can see, put me in jail. She kept saying things about how I was just taking fancy trips and controlling everything in our house and refusing to pay him what he is owed. And she threw out the order that I have been waiting for five years to complete, the one that allowed me to buy him out at appraised value. She is letting him market the house again, without an appraisal, to drive up the price for a right of first refusal. I kept asking why I couldn't buy him out at appraised value as we had agreed and she said it was my fault for not following the order to keep paying him. And if I end up buying him out at ROFR, SHE IS MAKING US PAY THE BROKER FEE to ensure that the broker works really hard to get the highest price possible. When I said that it did not seem fair that I would have to pay a broker to buy my own house she told me to shut up. At one point I went in the hall and H was at the far end of the hall, the other side of the building, but it was deadly quiet so I could hear him telling someone about how horrible I am and how happy he was that the judge told me to shut up. My L did the best he could and mitigated her brutality so I think he did as well as he could for me but it was the weirdest display, like one of those on line stories you read about when a narcissist is in court and convinces everyone of the most ridiculous lies.

So I have to live through another 4 months of H trying to sell my house and getting into my business and making our lives H$ll. He seems to prefer to spend all this extra money, in the hundreds of thousands, to pay a broker to market the place instead of just accepting an appraised value and spending so much less. It's so weird! He is going to end up with almost nothing left of his equity but he just wants me to burn in H$ll.

My L said the deal he was getting was actually worse for him than the one I offered him last week but he was just so intent on destroying me that he didn't care.

I was so low afterwards. I waited five years to finally exercise my right to buy him out, and we were actually doing well in trial and then this judge just threw out everything without reading any of my papers, not understanding anything about what has actually been happening or all the money I have had to pay while H literally has had to pay nothing. I spent all this time and money on trial, and she just took over the main issue referred to trial and upended all of it. She is obsessed with getting H the highest possible price for his equity but doesn't care even an iota about child support or my kids' college or of course me.

I tried to spend the afternoon calling various mortgage brokers and trying to get started on applications. My L said that if I can get the money in escrow, he might be able to petition the judge to let me buy him out at an appraised value before the four months are up.

I just hope my story convinces any newbies to get out as fast as you can as far as finances are concerned. You are otherwise gambling on getting a fair judge or on your crazy MLCer not doing his worst. In my case I waited and waited for H to come out of it, devoting myself to patience and restoration. And I don't think that's wrong, I believe in restoration of marriages still. But finances are not a marriage, and that was a grave error. I could have maybe done much better if I settled things quickly without connecting finances to marriage. Instead H got worse and worse and his lawyer more and more aggressive and unethical. I have been unlucky at every turn, and five years later I am still battling just to extricate myself from this insanity. If I get the refinance, I may be okay, but if someone offers more than the appraised value and I can't get that together, I lose the house, even though H will walk away with far less in a third party sale at a higher value than a buy out from me.

Hugs welcome now please.