I made an absolutely bold move today for full detaching/GAL. Bought tickets for a vacation on the other side of the world. And guess what? It's our anniversary! If she will want to comeback and celebrate it together she can buy tickets later, if not I will be enjoying it with my friends. One way or another it will be a great anniversary! With or without her!
Just dig down deep inside and make sure you’re doing this for the right reasons. If you’re doing it to make a statement or pressure/manipulate her, it will blow up badly. You have to be completely okay with her deciding she’s going on her own vacation, to the opposite side of the world to you.
If that’s okay with you and you’d wish her all the best, then that’s healthy detachment. If you’d be hurt if she told you she’s going on a Caribbean singles cruise, then you need to question your motivations for your trip.
It’s okay to have a sad day TMS. Think of it like this - to go from being married and an unexpected bomb day…. All the way to marriage saved or happily single - we all have to eat a few hundred sh*t sandwiches to get there.
Grief/sadness is normal. Don’t run from it, but also don’t get overwhelmed by it.
Imagine you require 200 sh*t days to get from bomb day until internal happiness. Each time a sh*t day comes along, you’re one step closer to the end of the journey, aren’t you? Embrace it.
1. “I feel sad. I remember what used to be. I have cried a few times today.”
Becomes
2. “I’ve cried previously and I’ve been okay, so I’ll be okay eventually this time too.”
Becomes
3. “Grief is an important part of growing as a person.”
Becomes
4. “I only have to eat 150 more sh*t sandwiches after today 👍”
Think of grief as a road which takes you to where you’re going. Travel it, feel every bump, get used to the sensation. If you embrace the journey, you’ll get to your destination.
But if you don’t like the rough road and hit the brakes and come to a stop - you’ll never get there.
With or without her!
