You are wise to be wary of H backsliding. He is most likely feeling quite genuine at the present moment. Ah feelings. You’ll want to see consistent demonstrated proper behaviour from him, not just words based upon his mood.
Do have him remain in his flat for a time. If he is serious about changing and awakening he will pursue. He is still hurting and broken, do not attack or demand answers to the multitude of questions you surely have. The answers will come in time. And the need for answers which is currently so pressing has a way of becoming less so as things progress.
Let H set the pace. More or less. He has a lot of guilt and regret and shame and such, and will sometimes need to unplug for a bit to find his center. For the LBS, there is a lot of bitting one’s tongue and remaining quiet/nonjudgemental during a reconnection. The WAS will be fearful of our reaction to their transgressions.
Sandi2 had a good list of items the returning spouse must do to demonstrate their willingness and wanting to reconcile. One of the items was to end things with the affair partner and to do that in the LBS’ presence. Sounds like H actually did that.
Originally Posted by MA1970
I was just starting to feel stronger & I'm really scared to go back to where I was.
Yes. Keep moving and living forward. You don’t go backwards, you let H catch up to you.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
