It's been 10 days since I posted & 8 weeks since BD. I continue to ride the roller coaster but I'm starting to notice & anticipate the twists and turns. I've been reading all the other posts both on here and in MLC thread with interest.
An update on the independent home activity - the fridge survived my hammering & is still working and defrosted! I got frightened of the flat pack & it sat in the corner for a while. I went away to stay with parents over Easter & when I returned, son (19) had put it together for me. So so proud of him, although I do still need to conquer my fear of flat packs!
I've had no contact with H for 7 days. I saw him last week when he called to get sons car keys to take to garage. It messed with my head a bit & I did some things that I've learned not to do, possibly the reason for not posting. I've not given myself a hard time about this and oddly, I feel that it gave me more reason to detach. I'm noticing all was definitely not rosy in our marriage and most certainly is not now. I can see (conscious or unconscious?) that he is 100% trying to keep me onside as a back up plan and I am worth more than that.
I've been doing lots of reading on attachment & learning about my own attachment to the ideal of a marriage, a long term partner & a happy family. In my heart, I view our relationship like this but my head is starting to stand up to my emotions & I can see that we were far from ideal and holding on to this false perception keeps me hooked in and pining fir something that hasn't been there for a long time.
GAL wise, I'm still walking. I've booked an appointment with the doctor for my knee. It's been 7 weeks and no change so I'm thinking I may have an injury & possibly trapped nerve. When the knee gets sorted, I'm joining the gym. I'm saying yes to nights with friends & trying to listen to the kids when they say they don't want to see / contact their dad. Previously, I've been a bit controlling over this not wanting their relationship to suffer but I'm trying to let go.
On the downside, it's so hard. I'm still upset most days but the tears are less intense and for much shorter periods. I think Kind18 posted on someone's thread with a bit of his timeline of distress & I found this helpful. The fear is still there bit its lessening.
