I saw a text from OW to H, and the jist of it was asking him to move in with her so that she no longer has to live in her crummy apartment. I did not see his response... Yet. I'm disgusted, obviously she knows my husband is a hard worker and makes decent money and she's trying to snatch a better life for herself.
So I was upset. I didn't tell him what I saw, but I was angry and let him know I was angry. I told him there are two parts of me, and I feel insane because they're both equally strong. One part loves him and the other hates him. One part wants to literally run away and never see him again and the other wants only him. I told him his behavior is disgusting.
He was angry that I called him out and brought this up, obviously. But he ended up telling me that he's scared that my changes aren't permanent, and that divorce is the very last thing he wants but he wants to be sure things won't go back to the same old way. He held me while I cried and told me he loves me, unprompted.
So, he's either leading me on or leading OW on. I lost my cool and have no further answers or anything to show for it, which is to be expected.
I guess today is a new day for detaching.
Go re-read my last post to you.
Is he monkey-branching with you both? Maybe, but sounds like she's in pursuit. Don't you do the same.
This is the second time you've posted that he's afraid your changes are not permanent. Please pay attention to this!!!
This is an opportunity for you to ask him how serious he is about wanting to be sure things don't go back to the same old way. It's an opportunity for the two of you to discuss what exactly he means by that.
No one, and I mean NO ONE, gets here because they were the perfect spouse and their ex went off the deep end. We sometimes like to blame the ex and cling to the excuse of MLC, tough childhood, they 'changed' or whatever. And that's truly understandable if our spouses are behaving reprehensibly, but to stop there is to know only half the truth.
Yes, my exh was MLC. Guess what? I wasn't perfect. I know exactly what I did that put him over the edge. It wasn't intentional, but I have to own my part. Anything less is being dishonest to my marriage and more importantly myself.
SO, OWN your part. If you want to, CHANGE the things that you want to change. Become a better version of yourself, FOR yourself.
Look Rejoice, you've done enough work to have actually gotten your husband's attention. That says a lot.
Keep the focus on yourself. Keep doing the deep work so the changes become permanent. It could save your marriage.
It may not. Be prepared for that.
But do it for yourself, first and foremost, and trust that you will be in the relationship you're supposed to be in, with the person meant for you, when the timing is right.
Maybe with your husband.
Maybe with someone you have yet to meet sometime down the road.
I'm hoping with your husband. What are the changes he has to make as well? Is he open to MC, with a pro-marriage counselor or Retrouvaille? (Probably too early to ask that question, but keep that in mind also).
and Happy Easter xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
