Mach1 - very accurate, bullseye. I’m working at this and it’s very important to me. If I’m being honest in reflection I’m not doing very well and it’s also important for me to acknowledge I am making progress.
Consistency and focused effort towards these goals is what I need.
Mach1 - very accurate, bullseye. I’m working at this and it’s very important to me. If I’m being honest in reflection I’m not doing very well and it’s also important for me to acknowledge I am making progress.
Consistency and focused effort towards these goals is what I need.
Will get back.
Since I'm not sure of where your starting point was, compared to now....
I have zero clue how far you've come....
What I DO know is this....
Around the 6 month mark of standing, there seems to come an impatience that comes in like a Firetruck to a charcoal grill being lit...
The overwhelming need to "fix" this, gets worse and worse. We feel that if it gets too far away, then it can never come back. So we start pressing harder and harder, thinking "just one more thing" or, "if I would just paint her toenails" that she will declare her remorse and we can go back to the same old schitty behaviors that led us here to begin with.
Or better yet....showing up at every event that she is at, or causally running into her at her knitting club meetings. Essentially looking back over your shoulder trying to see if she is looking at you, or watching you....
Temperature checks are rarely accurate, and worse, when you keep opening the oven door....
Hollywood reconciliation like that, is NOT gonna happen this time....
And to be fair....
Ask yourself IF you would even want things to go back to the way that they were....
Would you ???
Four simple letters for that.....
S T O P
Simple enough that they made a sign about them....octagonal in shape (that's 8 Cadet : o ) , and easy enough to see from a distance....
To know when you are traveling at too high of a rate of speed, and there is a chance of danger.
As far as goals....
I can't say that I'm aware of any that you have.
What are your goals for you ??
1- 2- 3- 4- 5-
??
What are some tangible, achievable goals that are just for you ?
Not the marriage, or situation, your wife, your daughter, the neighbor 3 doors down, the receptionist at the urologist office, Bigfoot, or the Pope.....
YOU !!!
???
What are some changeable behavioral patterns that you can recognize and start to change ??
1- 2- 3-
Who holds that power to change them ??
1-
Who do you hold accountable IF you fail at them ???
1-
These answers are for you Rock...
Yet writing them out and posting them always made me feel accountable for them.
Lots of tears today. Fears melting to acceptance. Bad, really bad has already occurred, but this story has not been fully written yet. I am courageous and resolute and that includes a lot of tears. I will yet rise,
Ask yourself IF you would even want things to go back to the way that they were....
Would you ???”
No
Then why are you pursuing that ?
Originally Posted by Rock
Lots of tears today. Fears melting to acceptance. Bad, really bad has already occurred, but this story has not been fully written yet. I am courageous and resolute and that includes a lot of tears. I will yet rise,
Yep....
The thing that you feared the most has already happened, even as hard as you were squeezing it not to....
And you are still here...
YOU get to write the ending to the story Rock....
I always envisioned myself, after I realized that I had stared down a fear, as Rocky in Rocky 3...
When he is in the ring the second time with Clubber....
What are some tangible, achievable goals that are just for you ?
Not the marriage, or situation, your wife, your daughter, the neighbor 3 doors down, the receptionist at the urologist office, Bigfoot, or the Pope.....
YOU !!!
???
What are some changeable behavioral patterns that you can recognize and start to change ??
1- 2- 3-
These answers are for you Rock...
Yet writing them out and posting them always made me feel accountable for them.
Jus sayin...
When you list these out, everything changes. When you do not, everything stays the same.
You have not changed your behavior with us, so I infer that your interaction with W are not much different as well.
How deep have you dug into attraction? There are 100's of guys giving nuggets of gold on ways to be more attractive.
Do you have a list? Have you heard of item I put at number 1? Can you fill out more?
1)Be on your purpose 2) 3) 4)
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
1- healthy: physically - running, lifting weights, focus on nutrition/sleep/preventive health approach/stress management, emotionally - therapy, relationally - growth in how I show up in relation to others, spiritually - prayer/scriptures/service to others, financially - create wealth/plan retirement/give generously 2- lead myself: follow my purpose, my calling, develop my leadership 3- host people in my home: family dinners, bible study/growth group, occasional parties 4- travel 5- music, dance and arts
What are some changeable behavioral patterns that you can recognize and start to change ??
1- I have started to change a pattern of being defensive or minimizing when I have felt attacked. I am not making excuses. 2- I am getting unstuck from unhelpful, inflexible stubbornness. 3- I am growing in empathy - to see and hear and feel what those close to me want/need me to know about their experiences, their needs and wants.
Who holds that power to change them ??
1- I do
Who do you hold accountable IF you fail at them ???
Ask yourself IF you would even want things to go back to the way that they were....
Would you ???”
No
Then why are you pursuing that ?
Ok, when I am aware, mindful, conscious of where we were and where I am now, I do not pursue going back to the way things were. Autopilot kills. I am still learning and understanding more about how bad it was. And I am determined to be accountable and honest and choose how I proceed consciously, purposefully and intentionally.
