Thanks everyone. I understand that there is likely an affair partner at this point. This will cushion the blow if this ever comes out into the open.
I’ve come to understand through the wisdom of this forum that detaching is crucial. It’s truly been a gift. It’s counterintuitive but I can see (when I take a deep breath and step back) that trying to do, say, or even think about “the right thing” to improve the relationship is bound to fail. Analyzing all the little “signals” or “mixed messages” keeps you trapped in a loop that will inevitably lead to your partner feeling pursued even if it is in the slightest ways (body language, tone of voice, etc…)
I’m reminded of the phrase “Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.” Go slow to go fast? Yes, deliberate and well-planned movements will get you across the finish line quicker than rushed, frantic ones. If you love your spouse and care about the relationship the only thing you can do to ever have a hope of getting across the finish line is to detach, let them be, and focus on your own life. Unfortunately this is not a switch you can simply flip. It’s a process everyone must go through on their own. I’m early in the process but I think reading the wisdom on this forum has helped me conceptualize this and the pure repetition with which it appears throughout can really speed up this process.
I will continue to post here as this journey continues. Thank you everyone.
