Detaching

[Dats000]

So l had responded to her accusations previously as I had planned. “I have no interest and no reason to track you. If someone is tracking you, for your own safety, call the police.” She responded, “you want me to report you to the police?” I told her, “I’m not tracking you and I haven’t been, but if you believe I or anyone else is then yes call the police.”

But I recognize I need to disrupt the dynamic and manage myself better in the stage I am in and progress to a healthier place. At the party, I gave her a wide berth and focused on myself and others. She knew I was going to be there, and yes I considered that she might be there, but I didn’t know if she would. I went to the party with D. And it was an important and meaningful party for me.

Also implementing boundaries - reading 2 boundaries books. During the conversation I mentioned above when we talked about the police, I told her I am no longer willing to tolerate being mistreated and that I don’t enjoy being around her when she does that. I also told her that she can express herself and show big feelings and reactions if she has them and feels comfortable to show me. I can handle it. And I am standing up for myself with how I want to be treated. She had previously told me she was going to try to manage her reactions when she misunderstands my intentions. I said I am working on being clear with my intention and actions and respecting my own boundaries as well as hers.

She said, ok then I just won’t talk to you at all and then I won’t treat you that way. I said that works, too. And then she kept talking (but in a different way, more respectful, than she has in a long time). She talked about her hurts and disappointments in her life and how she’s not happy. She told me things about her dreams for our M and what she wanted and hoped for in ways that I never understood and she had never told me. I listened and asked her to tell me more. She said that she learned recently about how culturally so many women are leaving M’s and that often they have checked out long before they make the decision to leave. She said when she moved out months ago, she didn’t think she would leave but that she thought she just needed space. I did my best to just listen, validate and not fix. I wasn’t defensive and didn’t minimize. She said that we had an ok friendship for the last 5 years but that she never wanted it to be just that. She said we did well to last as long as we did considering we didn’t have the communication skills to make things better and that we should have gone to MC long ago. I said, “It was a good run.” She went on to talk about ways she had stopped showing up in our marriage.

The stage you are in is to better you and be healthier. This includes an another important meaningful party you must attend running the risk of your W being there. But for some reason again you leave out the importance of the party. How it relates to you. Concrete details how it’s going to make you better. We don’t know the reason for the party. How you knew the people that hosted the party. Instead we get two long paragraphs about you entering the friend zone with your W. I learned more concrete information about your Ws development than you from these posts.