Cadet, SteveLW and R2C have all given you poignant advice here. Read it carefully.
You did great đź‘Źđź‘Źđź‘Ź
Your problem here is she has gone berserk, so you’ve walked away from the exchange wondering what you should have done differently. THAT’S YOUR ONLY MISTAKE HERE.
If you’d signed it - she’d have been angry.
You didn’t sign it - she was still angry.
I’d you had initiated divorce, she would have been angry.
But you saying you’re indifferent, but she needs to file - she’s even angrier about that.
You being calm - she’s angry.
You validating - she’s angry.
Do you get the point?
This is about HER. Deep down she’s disgusted with herself, but that’s too hard to face. It’s too hard to just come out and say “I’m bored, I fkd up, I shouldn’t have married you, I want to break my vow.”
The problem is, very, VERY few people have the conviction to own their sh*t. So they paint their spouse as a monster - “I had to leave.”
You just need to accept it. No matter WHAT you do, she’s going to be angry. You can either second guess yourself each time and try to placate someone who will always blame you, or you can go “I was respectful, honest and fair during this conversation” and get on with your life.
I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times - there’s no secret recipe here. There’s nothing you can do/say/be/admit to, that will make her change her anger towards you. She needs to discover all of this for herself, it’s just a matter of you staying strong, calm, level-headed, honest and respectful… and seeing how long you’re prepared to wait.
You did fine. Go have a beer and watch a basketball game. Let her fire burn 🤷‍♂️
Thanks, Kind. It's truly inspiring to hear this! It's nice to hear that I am making a progress.
I will still probably take some time until I completely shift my mindset about what I could have done differently. However, yesterday I was very mindful about her reactions and things I've read on this forum. They were textbook examples from the forum with even the same words. These past conversations showed to me that I maintain being respectful, honesty and supportive to her. Even then, she is still mad at me. As you said, if I communicate she is mad, if I don't she is also mad.
Today she even told me that she does not want separation agreement signed anymore. She will not do anything and just wait until we can officially divorce. It was strange to hear this as yesterday she was pushing this heavily and even mentioned that she will proceed with divorce through "loopholes" in the law now by herself. Today she was saying completely opposite things. Yesterday she told me she does not trust me anymore, today she said that "no worries, I trust you".
There is huge emotional wall between us. Either it will crumble before we divorce as I give her time and space or it might crumble only after our divorce as final & full consequences hits her. Maybe never.
