This could be true, accurate and fair and important ways for you to communicate your boundaries and intentions, but,
“ Then she told me that I am still trying to get her back” Are you? In what ways might that be your hope/expectation that is influencing your way of being with her?
Thank you, Rockon. No, I am past the point where I want to get her back. At least not actively. That's exactly the point, I have clearly communicated that I will not be doing active pursuing any longer and I am fine with any outcome. Does it mean that if she told me let's try again, I wouldn't try? I would mostly like would, but I am not going to her and continue offering it anymore. I can not be choosing someone who does not choose me back. Even if I still love her, it is not enough to have a striving relationship. And if I love her, I wish her be truly happy (with or without me). Above all, I have to consider myself, my growth & satisfaction.
Originally Posted by Rockon
“ I tried hard to understand her position and validate it. However, she is still insisting that I do not understand her and this is exactly why we should get divorce. For example, I said that "I can really see that you want to divorce and get this process done. It probably is frustrating for you. I will cooperate and help to ease your pain if it does not ruin my own values & interests". Then she immediately said you don't get me and I want divorce.” Do you? Get her? Do you want to try to imagine and understand things from her experience ?
I am asking these questions of you to stimulate thought and reflection and I have been asking them of myself.
I definitely do not get her at this time. I get that she wants quick divorce and technical details, but I do not understand her inner world. She comes back, then disappears for two weeks, then again comes back/leaves and so on. It's a toxic cycle for both of us. It's truly hard to understand what is fully happening.
I have tried to imagine and understand things from her experience. I continued trying for the past 4 months. Even my friends were saying why are you defending her. Just... Whenever I try to get closer, she runs away. Such tendencies are not only now, but even when we were still fully together.
I have imagined how hard this is for her many times. How difficult of a path she choose. I told her many times, but typically I get a response that she is totally happy and this is nonsense.
