My last post: She called me on separation docs. Voice was sad and she said she would be thankful if I would sign them.
Told her I am busy and she does not need my signature or presence in this. Then proceeded to finish the call and go hangout with my friends.
Sometimes it feels that she wants my support in these actions as she does not have the full strength to end this. Maybe I'm wrong.
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Continuing on it. I told her today that I am not signing these proposed documents (they give me no benefit), she immediately started asking why and cornering me into signing it "this is good for you, not only me" type of pushing. I definitely felt a lot of manipulation and pressure.
I got many phrases like: "Is this revenge?" "This is exactly the reason why I want to divorce you" "You are acting immature and childish" "You are stopping me from living my life" "You trapped me for our whole relationship" "I no longer trust you" "I just can not communicate or do it with you" "You are too much for me to handle"
I tried to keep my cool, stated many times that I am not intentionally trying to destroy her plans, I am just protecting myself. That I am willing to cooperate if is not pressuring me so much.
Then she told me that I am still trying to get her back. Even thought, I have not mentioned anything about it and even said that my happiness does not revolve only around her. I will be content and satisfied even if we are truly done, but I am not initiating divorce and I would have preferred to give this marriage a chance.
She asked me for arguments why I don't sign it, I did not give it at first. She got mad. Then I gave it to her. Again she just laughed and still was mad. Then she started threatening to take her things from our home. I just said fine, you are free to take your things.
I tried hard to understand her position and validate it. However, she is still insisting that I do not understand her and this is exactly why we should get divorce. For example, I said that "I can really see that you want to divorce and get this process done. It probably is frustrating for you. I will cooperate and help to ease your pain if it does not ruin my own values & interests". Then she immediately said you don't get me and I want divorce.
I feel way more detached than before, as this pressure did not touch me too much emotionally. If before I would question myself, perhaps I truly pressured her too much or manipulated her. This conversation gave me new perspective, that it might not only be me who is presumably manipulative.
I could be reading wrong between the lines, but some statements even made me question whether this whole thing was a way to keep me in the loop and keep me pursuing. There was definitely this vibe of trying to provoke me into saying that I still care about her or desperately need her in my life. Especially the threats about taking her stuff or not talking to me anymore. Or asking for my permission / presence when she will collect her stuff. I did it the past, but I learned my lessons and I am trying to avoid any pursuing.
I told her that you can sign those docs on her own. She was mad, but did not confirm if she will do it.
I need to continue working on my validation skills as there are still high bursts of pain/hate coming from her. Even if she does not admit it.
To me it seems that she is in so much pain that she wants to stop it badly immediately. She is fully projecting it on to me and I am becoming the single reason for all of her problems. Does the pain truly stop with the divorce? "I am fully happy with my decision" was repeated several times by her.
I repeatedly said that such pressure won't do it with me. I am stepping back, taking my time and space. For her, but more importantly for ME.
