Detaching

[bttrfly]

Thought has been crossing my mind of informing W I am considering divorce.

There is absolutely nothing in your previous hundreds of posts that shows you are ready to divorce. So this tell me you are trying to manipulate her back to the marriage. How about starting with some rock solid (pun intended) boundaries? I also noticed in your posts you may be starting to become codependent with your daughter. Maybe something to explore in IC. To master the process you eventually need to be able to sit still with your feelings and be ok with it.

Rock you’re doing great in so many areas but still room for improvement. We are all a work in progress.

Ayup....


If you have to "think" about it....you ain't

I also agree about the co-dependency...

Are you simply trying to replace the activities that you WANT to be doing with your spouse, with your daughter ???

Don't get so caught up in GAL that you push the deeper things into a corner and forget to deal with them.....

Cause those b@stards will show up like a Fly at a picnic in your next relationship....

Rock, pay attention here.

It's more than being co-dependent on your daughter.

It's also parentifying her.

Turning her into your partner rather than your child.

When parentification happens, it's either conscious or unconscious on the part of the perp/parent. Regardless of which it is, it is still extremely harmful to the child(ren) .....

How do you make sure you don't do that?

* Awareness

* Ruthless self-assessment

* Holding strict boundaries

A daily checklist to journal at bedtime (because writing things out solidifies them):

1. How aware was I in my interactions with others, not to be co-dependent, not to parentify my children?

2. How honest was I with myself today? What are some examples of my honesty? What are some examples of where I needed to be more honest?

3. Where did I hold strict boundaries? What was the result?

4. Where were my boundaries too fluid? What was the result?