Thought has been crossing my mind of informing W I am considering divorce.
There is absolutely nothing in your previous hundreds of posts that shows you are ready to divorce. So this tell me you are trying to manipulate her back to the marriage. How about starting with some rock solid (pun intended) boundaries? I also noticed in your posts you may be starting to become codependent with your daughter. Maybe something to explore in IC. To master the process you eventually need to be able to sit still with your feelings and be ok with it.
Rock you’re doing great in so many areas but still room for improvement. We are all a work in progress.
Thought has been crossing my mind of informing W I am considering divorce.
There is absolutely nothing in your previous hundreds of posts that shows you are ready to divorce. So this tell me you are trying to manipulate her back to the marriage. How about starting with some rock solid (pun intended) boundaries? I also noticed in your posts you may be starting to become codependent with your daughter. Maybe something to explore in IC. To master the process you eventually need to be able to sit still with your feelings and be ok with it.
Rock you’re doing great in so many areas but still room for improvement. We are all a work in progress.
Ayup....
If you have to "think" about it....you ain't
I also agree about the co-dependency...
Are you simply trying to replace the activities that you WANT to be doing with your spouse, with your daughter ???
Don't get so caught up in GAL that you push the deeper things into a corner and forget to deal with them.....
Cause those b@stards will show up like a Fly at a picnic in your next relationship....
Thanks for these responses. Have been digging into my R with D in IC as well as R with other kids. And yes lots of room for improvement and need for (and benefit from) healthy change.
The thought I spat out about telling W that I am considering it (which truth be told I am not ready for) came from a book I was reading and the idea was fairness to inform one’s spouse they are thinking about it but I see that would not be sensible for me. And my intention wasn’t to manipulate her. I want to act in healthy, powerful and respectful ways and keep learning how to not be manipulative.
The thought I spat out about telling W that I am considering it (which truth be told I am not ready for) came from a book I was reading and the idea was fairness to inform one’s spouse they are thinking about it but I see that would not be sensible for me. And my intention wasn’t to manipulate her. I want to act in healthy, powerful and respectful ways and keep learning how to not be manipulative.
What purpose would it serve to "tell" her ??
Would "telling" her make you feel any more, or any less "married" ?
How would telling her, change the way that you approach life right now ??
Why would it take tearing her down, for you to build yourself up ??
More of the same schidt that's been floatin around here lately....
Telling her, are just more words....
Living it without the words, are actions...
Rock....just be for now....
Sit on your tongue, and just be....
Take this GIFT of time and figure out who the heck you are when the lights go out...
Take this time to kill the fear that lives within you...
Stop trying to talk your way out of something that you acted your way into.....
One other thing.....
IC is great in most situations...
Just drop the expectations that your IC is solely responsible for "fixing" you....
Fixing you, is totally up to you, and you alone....
Ok here’s indication of growth and progress for me:
When all this went down and even before I would get stressed preparing meals, trying to get everything ready, delicious and presentable at the same time. I just finished making dinner (it’s really good chicken, rice and veggies) and I took 3 wheelbarrow loads of soil into the back yard while it was cooking.
Hi Rock, I think understanding the difference between happiness and joy is important here.
the amount of times you hang with your daughter and other people. go to all these fun places and do so much activities has to make you happy. You probably do more than 3 of me could find time to do. Plus there’s no way I’m cooking a meal, especially chicken (I don’t wanna overcook it.) and hauling wheelbarrows of soil around the the yard. it is clearly obvious you are happy doing these things. Who wouldn’t be, but (there is always a but) all this happiness revolves around the people you surround yourself with.
On the other hand, there is joy. It is something you have when despite things are not going your way, despite things being uncertain, you feel security and peace within you. It is something within you and and doesn’t need all those external factors to make you feel good. Helps you live in the present moment. If you have joy, it will last much longer than happiness will ever.
Relying on people around us can be harmful because it’s temporary. It seems like you maybe relying on others instead of looking at things inside you. Look at yourself, are you consciously in the right mindset to think about how yourself can help yourself? If you don’t know if you are in the right mindset consider meditating and eventually you will will know
Buy the way, you were on a huge roll of not mentioning your W. Stop unconsciously going through the process and those splat outs that you thought you should put out here because you read it somewhere will stop happening.
Keep rocking 🤟
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
