Thanks for checking in Rock. Work/home have been pretty busy, but I should have plenty of free time at both places now. I’m back to not posting much, but I’m still doing well. I have been waiting to see if my feelings would shift back toward wanting to stay with my wife and they still have not shifted. I think Valentine’s Day kind of broke that for me. It’s weird that W cheating on me wasn’t necessarily a deal breaker, but rubbing it in my face on that day by bringing a gift and flowers from OM into the house caused a pain that I don’t know that I’ll get over. I will forgive someday, but I don’t think I will ever want to be with her again. If that changes, I’ll go from there, but that would take a lot of work from W that I am not anticipating. And that assumes she ever decides she wants to be with me again, which I’m not confident in either.
There has been some recent changes as well. This weekend I went with D18 to visit the college she is going to. While out of town, W moved out and is staying with a friend about 30 minutes away. I had anticipated this prior to leaving, so it wasn’t a shock. It’s honestly more a relief.
She also sent an email describing her preferred parenting plan. It is 50/50 with a rotating 2-2-3 schedule. I was comfortable with everything described in the email except for her wanting it in the plan that D5 is not to be alone around my family. There is absolutely no basis for this, so I’m not sure why she continues to bring it up, but I will not sign off on anything with that verbiage. I’m not sure if she can even do that. I know that whatever plan we start with is likely to be the plan that is set moving forward, so I want to run it by the L first.
I am also planning on initiating the D paperwork ASAP. I’ve got a good start on it and need to talk to my L about a few questions I had. W is supposed to be meeting with a L in a few weeks as well, but she still has not completed filling things out, so I plan to be the one to start the process. If nothing else, striking first may help with me being able to keep the house rather than selling it.
I am at peace with separating. It was kind of nice not having most of her things in the house when we got back. I also got my exercise area back so I am starting up the Insanity workouts today. I’ve stayed in constant communication with the kids about things and they are doing okay with it. I’ll continue to monitor and support them.
D18 had a lot of fun on the trip and is excited to go to school there. I had fun exploring the downtown of the city. I was only there for a night and the next day, but I got to check out a lot of stuff. Watched some March Madness at a few cool sports bars. Took a bunch of pictures of the cool scenery. The travel was a mess with delays and a canceled flight, but made it through all of that. I’m excited to have a schedule for things now rather than the unmet expectations that come with IHS. I may feel different in a week, but so far this seems to be what acceptance is supposed to feel like. An increasingly larger part of me is excited for the future. Just gotta make sure I can keep the house and I think the rest will fall into place.
So yeah, some big changes, but they just happened in the last 2 days while I was gone. I’ve been staying busy and continuing to build my social network. It continues to be awesome. I've been smiling for days.
Thanks again Rock for checking in. I still follow things on here and it seems like you are still battling some things as well. I see that you are spending a lot of time with your kids. Are you also finding ways to expand your social bubble? Next to exercising, that has been the single best thing I’ve found for helping with detachment. So keep pushing through man, I’m rooting for you!
