New to this! #2

[Rejoice]

Last night was a doozy. I failed in my mission to peacefully give him space, for sure.

I found out H went to OW's apartment again and I guess I finally got sick enough of his crap. Where he'd been very honest about his communication with her earlier this week, he lied again last night. I broke the rules and brought it up and asked what he was doing there.

He got really defensive until I told him I was leaving him and got up to go. Then he freaked out and didn't want me to leave.

He ended up telling me the truth, and that he does still love me, and even admitting to some things from the past that he felt bad about. It was a good conversation and I told him that I forgive him and I also love him.

However, that conversation obviously was not enough for me. He has to choose to stop seeing OW, get individual counseling, and we need marital counseling if he has any hope of rescuing this marriage.

I am going to be thinking and praying a lot today about going to stay with my dad for a while, starting tonight. I need to find the words to say to H that communicate proper boundaries while making sure he understands I am not abandoning him as a person. He has strong abandonment issues from his childhood and I refuse to do that to him again--I will be his friend if nothing else.

This would pretty much be the after the last resort technique. It would have a high chance of ending our marriage and family. But he has responded the most positively throughout this process only when he thinks I'm actually leaving him.