Most things that we face in life come from fear, and how that manifests within us is what we aspire towards.
I think that most humans are driven from fear.
I would also assume that many of your decisions in the past were driven from fear. Just like your fear is driving you today.
Fear of failure Fear of being divorced Fear of judgement Fear of losing your future Fear of losing friends and loved ones Fear that you cannot rescue her from herself Fear of defining yourself based on your marital status
And the one that I would assume is the strongest one that you are facing now, is the fear of being successful without her in your life ....
???
Fear of moving too far ahead of her, that she will never be able to catch up. So you tuck yourself into this nice little cocoon so that you are warm and snuggly for when she decides to come to her senses...
THAT....is simply waiting.....
Did you know that the human brain is incapable of thinking in "do" and "don't' subconsciously ?
So let's say that you are on the tee box while golfing, and you have a par 3 over a water hazard, and you stand there and think over and over again... "Don't hit the water , Don't hit the water " your brain is only hearing "Hit the water"....
Yet if you were to think..."Hit the green" , your odds go up significantly of achieving your objective....
When you think in negative, you produce negative results. Change your perspective, change your life....
I think that you want this to work out so bad that you can taste it...
Yet I think that you are having a hard time wrapping your head around the fact that she is a$$hole deep in a depression that is affecting everything in her life, and making her question everything in her life.
And that you are sitting in this invisible fence that you put up, asking how much longer can I do this. Because you still think that "if she would only snap out of this, we would be fine".
Because you are scared that you might lose her IF you get to far ahead, or take this next step forward for yourself......
So, you give her this letter, or ultimatum that she commits or your done, because of a date on the calendar
HOW WOULD YOUR LIFE LOOK SO COMEPLETELY DIFFERENT IF YOU WERE TO DO THAT TODAY ?????
Are you gonna feel either "less" married , or "more" married based on her decision ???
Standing, does NOT mean standing still Mike....
Just because you choose to stand today, doesn't mean you can't change your mind tomorrow either.
I'm not here to talk you into or out of choosing to be married. You have to choose that one...(and don't say it's up to her either). YOU choose to either act married, or not....yet you have to define what that looks like to YOU. Not your spouse or anyone else.
My adopted mantra going through this was simple....
Today is not the day I quit. Maybe I will tomorrow, but let's see what tomorrow brings.... ( and a nickel for anyone that steals that line)
Then rinse , lather, and repeat tomorrow....
Take this time standing, to face down those fears that more than likely created some behavioral patterns in yourself that you don't like.....
Take this time to realize that standing for your marriage has zero to do with her, and more to do with the fact that she has given you a gift, and you can choose what to do with it.
Your path will ultimately not look so different from what she is doing, however it should be a whole lot less destructive.
She isn't doing anything TO you, she is doing it for herself. Yet it can also be for you also....
I see a lot of me in you Mike....one of the reasons I came back to check on you.
I always knew that my marriage would work out, right up to the day that I decided it wouldn't....
